IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
#proportion #population #three #countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The provided line graph illustrates the average
population
Use synonyms
 of humanity in three nations in 1
year
Use synonyms
. In the
year
Use synonyms
 1940, the
population
Use synonyms
 of aged people
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
65 or above in
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and the USA were at 8% and 10% respectively. Between the years 1960 to 1980, both
American
Replace the word
America
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 people showed a slight growth in the rate of the
population
Use synonyms
 by 15%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 was just lower at 14%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the USA, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2000, slightly started to decrease until the
year
Use synonyms
 2020 with a percentage of 14% and
then
Linking Words
 gradually rose to 23% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2040.
Whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Sweden
Change noun form
Sweden's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 showed an increasing trend from the
year
Use synonyms
 2000 to 2040 with 13%, 20%, and 25% respectively. The average
population
Use synonyms
 of Japanese people in the
year
Use synonyms
 1940 was 5%, which declined to 3% in 1960 and remained the same in the
year
Use synonyms
 1980. In the
year
Use synonyms
 2000, there was some upward change in the percentage, which was at 5% and
then
Linking Words
 moved
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 11% in 2020. At
last
Linking Words
, it showed a sky-rocketing amount of proportion in the
year
Use synonyms
 2040 at 27%. In conclusion, it can appear that the USA and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 showed an increasing trend from the
year
Use synonyms
 1940 to 2040 in the average
population
Use synonyms
. In Japan, the community was
then
Linking Words
 both
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
, but in the
year
Use synonyms
 2040
population
Use synonyms
 in Japan was at
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 highest peak.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, year, sweden with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: