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Band 4

Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #salary #company #work #atmosphere
It is realistically true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 money can't buy you time,
peaceful
Correct article usage
a peaceful
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, pleasant, and loving life, but time can bring you all of the
things
. Every second is the most precious and prime thing to be considered in all and every aspect of an individual's activity. Nowadays,
people
 are mostly under some illusion that
according to
 the job-wise, which is a happier life; a comfortable living free from all of the stress and worries, or having
a
Remove the article
apply
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fame,
luxurious
Correct article usage
a luxurious
show examples
 car, wealth,
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 house and a prosperous career.
Firstly
, It is quite obvious,
those
Correct word choice
that those
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
who
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whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 possess luxurious
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 livings only
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 a status, rather than those who are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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being
Verb problem
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suffering from poverty,
Correct word choice
and unpleasant
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unpleasant
Correct word choice
and unpleasant
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 and uncomfortable living. In the period of modern
civilization
Add a comma
civilization,
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people's
Change noun form
people
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 are much more greedy, in order to fulfil their aims and goals. They usually, prefer to pursue a
high paying
Add a hyphen
high-paying
show examples
 job. Apart, from that they
conceived
Wrong verb form
conceive
show examples
 of themselves as a conceited personality in front of others and they spend a lot of their money on an unnecessary thing, because as if they really wants to look conspicuous in an eye of other
people
. By doing these
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
 of
things
, they are deceiving themselves and have been making
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 mistakes from the day they started their chores in order to fulfil their
greeds
Fix the agreement mistake
greed
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.
Furthermore
, they don't get a moment to hang up with their friends, family members and their loved ones. They are just evading the beautiful scenery of every moment.
Besides
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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sodomy, some sophisticated
people's
Change noun form
people
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gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 priority to healthier and happier
livings
Replace the word
lives
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 in which they are not much
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about their earnings.
However
, they just want to enjoy the beauty of
a
Remove the article
apply
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nature and unlike others expenditures a lot of their time and cash on necessary
things
 which is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 most fascinating thing about them. In a nutshell, the most virtuous and trustworthy
people
 are those
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 aren't
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
greedy about their ambitions. Being a good person in a society, they perform every obligation with their kind heart. Even though they earn a quite low, despite
perform
Change the verb form
performing
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 every task by working hard. They want to endure a simple life and
thanks
Correct subject-verb agreement
thank
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to
Change preposition
apply
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god for blessing them with
such
 an excessive amount of Cates. I think it's better to go with your passion and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
things
 which you
likes
Change the verb form
like
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 the most, because being so greedy and selfish
for earning
Change preposition
to earn
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a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money by performing some tedious tasks
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day can even make you sick.

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task response
Ensure that the essay clearly addresses all aspects of the prompt, and that the main points are well-supported with relevant examples and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing ideas in a more logical and coherent manner. Develop a clear introduction, body, and conclusion that link together effectively.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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