IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras) In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development
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Nowadays technology
Accept comma addition
Nowadays, technology
 is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (
for example
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, through cellphone tracking and
security
Use synonyms
 cameras) In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that
this
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 is happening. Do you think the advantages of
this
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 development outweigh the disadvantages? Due to
advancement
Suggestion
the advancement
 and innovation of technology nowadays everything could be possible. Tracking or monitoring an individual with the use of the mobile phone is one of the heated debates that many people
disagrees
Suggestion
disagree
 with
this
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 notion, while other commenters, believe that that advantage outweigh the disadvantages. The writer agrees to
this
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 matter and as long as for legal and for
security
Use synonyms
 purposes. To start with, it is undeniable that modern technology is considered indispensable in our daily life and it has a huge impact
to
Suggestion
for
 all the people. With the use of
this
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 contemporary
invention it
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invention, it
 is possible to track or to monitor the people for
security
Use synonyms
 reason and for legal purposes too. The authority that
responsible
Suggestion
responsibility
 and have access for tracking is well aware of the detrimental impact that can cause to the people once they open to the public, thereby, they are taking care of it and took full responsibility for keeping it private not unless requested for the legal action.
For instance
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, the police are investigating a one crime and the only way to curb the crime is to resort to the conversation in the mobile phones of the involve person.
As a result
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, many cases were solved for the past few years.
Furthermore
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, people now are living in the modern era wherein they are aware that they it is possible they can be
monitor
Suggestion
monitored
 with the use of
gadget
Suggestion
gadgets
the gadget
a gadget
such
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 as mobile phone and surveillance camera.
Although
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, it can affect the private life of the people by invading their privacy. To sum up, I believe that there are some disadvantages that involve in
this
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 issue that needs to be addressed, I opine that people should be more vigilant and aware what they are doing,
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however I
Accept comma addition
however, I
 still believe that that merit outweigh the demerit as long as for
security
Use synonyms
, legal actions, and with the proper permission before the authorities will dispute the information’s.
Submitted by vankd18 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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