IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons (the causes)? What are the effects on society and family life?

Many people currently decide not to have
children
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 when they are young and wait until they get older
instead
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. There are many factors contributing to these tendencies,
such
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 as financial affairs, or focusing on education and career.
Consequently
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, these could have negative impacts on families,
as well as
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 society.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons why individuals decide not to have babies early in their life.
Firstly
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, their financial affairs may be challenged
due to
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 the cost of living.
For example
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, both mothers and fathers may have to work full-time to afford the cost of raising a child.
Secondly
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, the culture has changed in the
last
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 few decades, with people focusing on their careers, requiring greater knowledge through higher education to be able to gain a high salary.
This
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 tendency might bring negative impacts on both family and society. The first impact is that having
children
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 later will increase health risks for the female, including pregnancy complications and birth defects.
In particular
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, evidence shows that women who choose to have
children
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 later in life have a higher risk of developmental issues for the fetus and
also
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 increased negative risks during birth. Another reason is that parents who choose to have kids later might experience a generation gap with their
children
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, as they might have different cultural references and perspectives. In conclusion, there are multiple reasons why people prefer to have kids later in their life, whether it is the cost of living, schooling, and career, or they may want to first become financially successful.
This
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 reflects a changing society where personal choice and preparedness are valued, but it
also
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 raises concerns that need to be addressed through policies supporting both young and older families.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer link between your reasons and their impacts, possibly by rephrasing the transitions between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
In the 'introduction' section, it might be beneficial to outline the main points you will discuss later on to better guide the reader.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or studies to support your arguments more thoroughly, which would enhance your task achievement score.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear argument and addresses the topic effectively, providing reasons and impacts, which shows good task achievement overall.
task achievement
You provide relevant points that reflect an understanding of societal changes, which enhances the overall engagement of your essay.
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