IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#safety #roads #punishments #offenses
It is certainly true that a large number
pf
connects a noun with the preceding word
of
 people loss their life on
road
 accidents.
Therefore
,
Accept space
,
it is a suggestion that imposing a severe punishment can reduce the mishaps on
road
Suggestion
the road
.
However
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
compeletly
to a complete degree or to the full or entire extent
completely
disgree
be of different opinions
disagree
 because
this
 is far away from being best method others factors need to be considered.
to
Suggestion
To
 commence with
,
Accept space
,
there are some reasons to go against bad punishment for
road
 safety.
Firstly
,
Accept space
,
such
 rules are inequitable because sometimes
law
Suggestion
the law
 abiding people can
also
 become the cause of
mishappening
.
In other words
, in some accidents only drivers are not
responsible but
Accept comma addition
responsible, but
also
 many others factors are
involved
Accept comma addition
involved, such
such
 as poor weather
condition
 and
road
condition
. To elaborate, during heavy rain and storm accident rate goes high significantly as compared to clear weather
.
Accept space
.
Moreover
,
bad
Suggestion
bad road conditions
road
condition
such
 as narrow and broken roads makes it
more harder
Suggestion
harder
more hard
 for
driver
Suggestion
drivers
the driver
a driver
 to drive safely.
therefore
Suggestion
Therefore
, Without considering
these fact
Suggestion
these facts
this fact
 how authorities can give
penalty
Suggestion
a penalty
 to driver solely.
Therefore
,
this
 is not acceptable at all and cannot be implemented at any cost.
on
Suggestion
On
 the other hand, some people in favour of stringent laws because according to them long term jail and heavy fines will create fear in their minds and force them to drive carefully. While forcefully imposed laws have not always desired results. Rather than
thiking
the process of using your mind to consider something carefully
thinking
talking
 about punishing people government should try to improve the
road
 conditions. In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
punishing people for
road
 safety is not a viable solution.
Government
Suggestion
The government
 should try to make better
condition
 for driving to reduce the number of accidents.
Submitted by bhawnaj7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: