IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Other believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree with these views?

#children #countries #people #food #outlets #parents #children’s #health
There is no doubt that obesity among advanced societies’ people, particularly children, is on the rise. Some believe that fast
food
stores
Suggestion
store
store's
 growth is the cause of
such
 a difficulty.
In contrast
, others assume that
this
 issue is
parents’ fault
Suggestion
the parents’ fault
. I firmly believe that parents due to caring less about their children’s health are faulty. With regard to the fact that there are a surprising number of shops related to ready meals and fast
food
such
 as deep-fried chicken and different kinds of junk
food
 like crisps and things along the line, adults including parents are more likely to be encouraged to utilize
such
 meals. Indeed,
food
 industry in the field of prepared
food
such
 as fast
food
 creates
such
 a desire among people and
also
 difficulties related to developed societies, including the lack of time in life’s affairs containing cooking, taking care of children and so on contribute to wrong dairy meals in families. It seems that in order to overcome obesity troubles between children in any society, parents as major teachers play a considerable role in creating healthy habits among their household members. Overweight in childhood ages causes major and serious problems in the elderly. Actually, parents are responsible for preventing their children from eating fast
food
 to a great extent. If parents do not perform their duties properly, their children not only are faced with several excruciating pains, but
also
 could probably deal with untimely death. Under
such
 circumstances, children are likely to suffer a massive heart attack or even terminal illnesses in the near future.
As a result
,
although
 a substantial number of outlets in the area of processed foods, junk
food
 and
also
 fast
food
 have a significant side effect, I still believe that there is not anything more effective than the performance of parents in looking out for children’s lifestyle and not keeping up with
such
 wrong affairs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • developed countries
  • fast food outlets
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • calories
  • fat
  • sugar
  • weight gain
  • convenience
  • affordability
  • nutrition
  • healthy eating habits
  • socioeconomic status
  • access to
  • government policies
  • regulations
  • advertising restrictions
  • holistic approach
  • intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: