It is more important for the government to spend money on promoting the healthy lifestyle to prevent illness rather than on the treatment of people who are really ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #lifestyle #illness #treatment #people

Nowadays, it is commonly argued that the

government

should spend money on promoting a healthy lifestyle to prevent illness rather than on the cure. Personally, I completely agree with

this

view and it would be more beneficial to take measures to ensure better public health and prevent illness. First of all, the low percentage of people with

diseases

like heart attacks, high blood pressure and lung

diseases

due to

a healthy lifestyle and less pollution.

Besides

that, if the

government

can improve and use policies to protect the environment, food abuse and the use of tobacco. These things together can certainly improve public health in the long term. The example of Bhutan can support

this

idea more strongly. Bhutan is a carbon-negative country with zero pollution.

As a result

, the people of Bhutan have a greater lifespan compared to many other countries with less presence of disease.

Furthermore

, having a healthy lifestyle can help

their

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

financially.

However

, the

government

can eventually cut down on treatment and medicine budgets if they can prevent

diseases

in the first place and use that money to improve the environment and promote

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health style to everyone.

For example

, to treat

diseases

of cancer can be very expensive and take a long time to treat, which greatly affects people’s lives if they are workers. In conclusion, I will emphasize the fact that the

government

should focus more on preventing illness as in the long run, it will ensure a healthy nation, less pressure on the healthcare system and reduce the cost of medicines.

Submitted by yeshomeclass on Tue Jan 02 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure that you have a clear thesis statement in your introduction and restatement in your conclusion, as it helps to maintain a clear position throughout the essay. Your introduction and conclusion are well presented, which aids in the logical progression of your ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

Aim to produce a well-organized essay with clear, logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences to build coherence. While your essay demonstrates good structure, slight improvements can be made in linking ideas more seamlessly.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is more important for the government to spend money on promoting the healthy lifestyle to prevent illness rather than on the treatment of people who are really ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people that professionals, such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In spite of many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace?

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.