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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be done to reverse it?

#improvements #healthcare #health #countries #reason #trend
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In the modern
life
Use synonyms
, technology has impacted at all
life
Use synonyms
, one of the
this
Linking Words
 effecting
area
Suggestion
areas
 is
healtcare
the preservation of mental and physical health by preventing or treating illness through services offered by the health profession
healthcare
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 great effect has not been reflected at physical medicine as decreasing many western countries. I will briefly discuss the reasons and possible solutions in below paragraphs. Clearly, the healthcare systems
has improved
Suggestion
have improved
 with high
technological
Suggestion
technology
 devices, robots, computer based software.
Also
Linking Words
, treatments, new vaccinations against diseases, drugs have
discoveried
discovered or determined by scientific observation
discovered
 and developed.
Although
Linking Words
, all these
novelty
Suggestion
novelties
has not appeared
Suggestion
have not appeared
 in physical medicine.
This
Linking Words
 is because, the people have
long
Suggestion
a long life
life
Use synonyms
 compared
last
Linking Words
 centuries, elders can get disease easily. Even the treatments
has been
Suggestion
have been
, older people can not recover. In
additon
a component that is added to something to improve it
addition
 to it, overpopulation has negative influence on it. Everybody can not access recently at the hospitals, there are so crowded.
Thus
Linking Words
,
life
Use synonyms
 and health
standarts
a basis for comparison; a reference point against which other things can be evaluated
standards
 are getting worst.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some possible precautions are population balance in
city
Suggestion
the city
 and countryside, personal healthcare nursing for the
olders
a person who is older than you are
elders
. The individual should be encouraged by the governments to live in
rural area
Suggestion
a rural area
rural areas
 with tax free applications or free check up.
In
Suggestion
To
 add to the governments should be listed individuals who over 65age and their nursing should be done fast and punctual.
For example
Linking Words
, in my town, the municipality has a special line for just
emerceny
a sudden unforeseen crisis (usually involving danger) that requires immediate action
emergency
 situations. When an accident or
histery
the aggregate of past events
history
 moment occurs in
a
Suggestion
an
 old citizen's house an ambulance and the healthcare experts visit there in order to help. In conclusion, I restate, overpopulation and older individuals health
standarts
a basis for comparison; a reference point against which other things can be evaluated
standards
 are getting worst, admittedly. Due to, the governments should take care of
this
Linking Words
 issue supporting rural and urban
life
Use synonyms
standarts
a basis for comparison; a reference point against which other things can be evaluated
standards
,
also
Linking Words
 nursing care systems should be increased. Every person has
deserve
Suggestion
deserved
 a mental and physical
health
Accept comma addition
health, life
life
Use synonyms
 and
autorities
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
authorities
 should be
consiously
Suggestion
conscious
consciously
 in order to inhibit measures.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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