IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones is disrupting social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technologies #phones #interaction
It is a fact that technology is vital to living in the cyber era.
Therefore many
Accept comma addition
Therefore, many
 people argue that modern technologies and devices like cellular phones are building barriers between social activities. Even though the techs make lives more convenient, I fully agree with the above statement, and I will discuss it in
this
 essay. Since the
last
 three decayed we have been fast phasing trough the digitalisation, among them telecommunication technology plays a vital role. It is an essential medium when coming to connecting the world,
such
 technologies like the internet and advanced mobile devices, which aid two or more persons to connect from different places.
However
, social interaction between parties may become weaker due to
this
 matter. In the past, people used to meet face-to-face for discussions and to do various activities which are more healthy and joyful. That has given a great opportunity to develop a real understanding between each other and how they really felt.
For example
, according to researchers, people spent less than a minute talking to their close relatives' trough the phone, because of
this
, unfortunately, society may infest with robot-like people.
Furthermore
, the children and the younger generation have become victims of
such
 devices. Present-day they tend to spend a significant amount of time on their mobile devices,
therefore
 many reluctant to go out and socialize. Social interaction is a paramount factor for healthy physical and brain development, whereas,
this
 causes to lower the development of these vital elements.
Therefore
, there is a surpassing chance of making socially dormant younger people in society. To conclude, it is obvious that mobile devices are the one major cause to lose social connectivity in modern society due to lack of up-close and personal feeling and developing socially active children.
Therefore I
Accept comma addition
Therefore, I
 will fully agree with the statement.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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