Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant experience from your own experience.

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The global population has increased exponentially over the past two centuries and,
as a result
Linking Words

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, our
cities
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have expanded beyond recognition.
While
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much of
this
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modern growth has
been happened
Change to the active voice
happened

It appears you have attempted to use the intransitive verb happened in a passive voice construction. Consider writing the sentence in the active voice.

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on new ground, some
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have

It seems that the verb has does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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grown up organically around the many old
buildings
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

already standing. Some urban planners have suggested replacing some of these older
buildings
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with more modern ones,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

others believe we should preserve them. The main argument for urban renovation concerns practicality and safety.
Buildings
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

constructed in the modern era use new designs, materials and ideas. Many older
buildings
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have structural issues that are both expensive to maintain and potentially hazardous if they contain materials,
such
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as asbestos, that can cause serious health issues. Replacing them with newer
buildings
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

therefore
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has a positive impact both on the economy and on the health and general welfare of its populace.
In addition
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, modern
buildings
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

make better use of space, a very important consideration in cramped inner-city environments. Visiting Manhattan, many new tourists are struck by how it manages to fit nearly two million people into sixty square kilometres,
while
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Barcelona, which is millennia-old, needs an area over double that size to accommodate the same number.
However
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are limits to what can be considered sensible urban redevelopment. Many older
buildings
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have great aesthetic, historical or cultural value; and the economy of a large number of
cities
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

today relies not only on business
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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but
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

on tourism. People visiting
cities
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as Rome, Istanbul and Moscow are primarily interested in old
buildings
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and other historical sites. If these were to be replaced with new constructions, the cultural heritage and identity of these
cities
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

would be at risk, as would much of their revenue from tourism in consequence. It is
also
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important that a city’s unique history and identity should be passed on to future generations.
To conclude
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, some redevelopment of urban areas is both logical and necessary for practical reasons.
Nevertheless
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, it is important to remember that a city’s physical history can be an expression of its identity
as well as
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an asset to its economy and that any
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

redevelopment should only take place after some very careful decision-making as to a
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

buildings
Change noun form
building's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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cultural significance.

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Task Achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task, as it touches on both points of view and briefly states your conclusion. However, it lacks a clear statement of your own opinion. The essay would benefit from a more explicit and detailed personal stance throughout.
Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of logical structuring, your paragraphs are effectively organized and ideas are sequenced in a logical manner. Nonetheless, work on your transitions between the ideas to foster a more seamless flow of sentences and paragraphs. The utilization of a wider variety of cohesive devices would also enhance the overall coherence of the text.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • paramount
  • evolutionary journey
  • tangible link
  • fostering
  • sense of belonging
  • architectural beauty
  • economic benefit
  • tourist attractions
  • preservation techniques
  • structural integrity
  • energy-efficient
  • sustainable architecture
  • cultural preservation
  • urban demands
  • contemporary lifestyles
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