IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people say that government should not put money into building theatre's and sports stadium, they should focus on medical care and education. To what extent do you agree or disgree?

#people #government #money #theatre #sports #stadium #focus #care #education #disgree
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It is said that
government
Use synonyms
 should not invest more money in
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 rather in leisure activities. I think that priority should be given towards
Use synonyms
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 and
education
Use synonyms
. As it is a basic requirement for every individual.
Firstly
Linking Words
, every citizen, in an ideal situation, wants the
government
Use synonyms
 to fulfil their basic needs in terms of
Use synonyms
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
. The
government
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 can spend their money in providing medical care at an affordable
prices which
Accept comma addition
prices, which
 can be utilized by each household type without any financial barrier. By looking at the current
scenario
Accept comma addition
scenario, healthcare
healthcare
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 industry has been
become
Suggestion
becoming
uite
to a degree (not used with a negative)
quite
expensive which
Accept comma addition
expensive, which
 is unaffordable for most people and
government
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 for these individuals can provide funds which in turn
helps
Suggestion
help
 in saving a precious life.
This
Linking Words
 way
Use synonyms
government
Suggestion
the government
 can utilise money for a better and productive
ide
the content of cognition; the main thing you are thinking about
idea
instead
Linking Words
 of spending on building a theatre. Most importantly the
government
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 should procure better tomorrow by investing in
education
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 which helps in generating qualified professionals who can work for
tthe
definite article
the
them
government
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 in the near future to bring revenue to the nation.
Education
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 being a fundamental right should be given to each citizen of the nation and
government
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 can help them in pursuing
education
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 by providing
scholarshipsb
financial aid provided to a student on the basis of academic merit
scholarships
 so there
wont
will not
won't
 be any financial constraint on the parents to provide better
education
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 for their child. As we can see, sports stadium
are not fully occupied
Suggestion
is not fully occupied
 because sports is not being practised on a large scale when compared to
education
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.
This
Linking Words
 puts the
government
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 to focus more on
education
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. To sum up, the above mentioned points would clearly suggest the
government
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 to utilise more revenue into medical care and
education
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 as these are important criteria to focus on.
Submitted by saaduddin735 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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