IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that governments should spend more money on education in adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#education #people #countries #governments #money #adult #population
Today, most youngsters are obviously supposed to go to school to receive academic knowledge.
Nevertheless
, mature people who are illiterate are
also
 considered to be worth getting that opportunity. My own view on
this
 matter is that I approve of the latter opinion while I believe in the merits of the former one too. It is indeed reasonable that providing
money
 to develop education for illiterate adults will help them so much.
First
,
were
In or at or to what place
where
 governments
not to do
Suggestion
don't do
 so, it seems to me that the unemployment rate in a country would be
on
indefinite article, "an" is use before a vowel sound, "a" otherwise
an
 increase because most jobs nowadays doubtlessly require workers to have the two most basic skills which are reading and writing.
Therefore
, people would be jobless and could not make
money
 to maintain their lives because of their illiteracy.
Second
, they would
also
 find it difficult to enjoy themselves in basis life. Humans need to watch
news
Suggestion
the news
, read newspapers and text others everyday which demand their literacy.
Hence
, they could not even inform what is happening around the world or update daily events which contributed to the boredom in life.
Finally
, adults who have children were not able to help them as they sometimes need their parents to instruct them with homework and read fairy tales before sleeping.
However crucial
Accept comma addition
However, crucial
 education for grown individuals is, I do emphasize the importance of that for teenagers. Without any doubt, they are the ones who will decide how well-developed their nation is and
also
 affect the world.
Thus
, I claim that focusing on educational systems for children is so beneficial for people to do.
For example
, once people spend
money organizing
Suggestion
money, organizing
 campaigns, upgrading studying methods and equipment and constructing lessons for students, they will probably perfectly develop and become talented people who enrich their countries. Overall, I insist that school students and adults who suffer from illiteracy are worthwhile to get the educational support invested
money
 by governments.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: