IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Services such as shops, schools and commercial centres should be relocated out of the city center. To what extent do you agree?

#services #shops #schools #centres #city #center
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Citizens believe that public
infrastructures
such
 as schools and commercial centres are better places far from downtown.
Firstly
, relocating the
infrastructure
 will make it more accessible to people.
Secondly
, placing them outside the city will separate vehicle density in the suburban areas, diminishing the movement jam. Where citizens house mostly placed on the outskirts of the city, relocating public
infrastructures
 to the outside of the downtown will make them closer to them.
As a result
, those
infrastructures
 are more reachable for the people.
However
, others believe relocating them to that point makes the
infrastructure
 more crowded with the locals, making them uncomfortable.
Nonetheless
, experts think that spreading the citizens’ facilities building in many areas.
For example
, modern cities like BSD and Agung Podomoro Land are dividing their public facilities from the central.
Additionally
, they spread them to nearby houses. By doing so, it makes the facility more accessible to the population. Given these examples, moving the
infrastructure
 outside the centre will make them easily reached. Regardless of that, placing the public
infrastructure
 outside the suburbs will
also
 help reduce traffic density in many areas. Regardless of that, some communities argue that it will not have a significant impact in dropping the amount of transportation jam locations.
However
, statistics show that relocating the
infrastructure
 to the edge of the metropolis will decrease it by 40%.
Moreover
, they compare cities with the one that has public
infrastructures
 inside the metropolitan and the other that has public
infrastructures
 outside the urban. The result concluded that the city that placed its public
infrastructures
 inside the urban area has a 70% more chance of its population being late. All things considered, the public
infrastructure
 placement will divide the vehicle movement into many points,
therefore
 making the traffic less dense.
Overall
, the benefits of locating the public
infrastructures
 to the outskirts make them reachable for citizens.
In addition
, it divides the traffic and since they are being split, their density will be lower.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. Try to avoid repetition and redundancy in your argumentation. Proofread for minor grammatical issues to improve clarity.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address the prompt by clearly stating your position in the introduction and restating it in the conclusion. While examples are used well, make sure they are directly related to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the discussion.
task achievement
Main points are generally supported with appropriate reasons and some relevant examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Relocation of services
  • Urban sprawl
  • Congestion alleviation
  • Peripheral areas
  • Population distribution
  • Equitable access to amenities
  • Economic vibrancy
  • Cultural and historic hubs
  • Commute times
  • Tourism economy
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