IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

#people #effects #epidemic
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Obesity is a horrendous disease that has plagued civilisation and has been alarmingly increasing in
The
Correct article usage
apply
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recent decades. The major prominent causes of
this
Linking Words
 are a sedentary lifestyle and unhygienic
food
Use synonyms
 Habits. In my opinion, the foremost causes of obesity are inactive lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits. Nowadays, more and more
people
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 rely on travelling in cars
instead
Linking Words
 of walking, have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 physical Activities at work and after having a hectic day,
the
Correct article usage
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white-collar workers prefer to relax and surf Social media
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the gym.
Thus
Linking Words
, burning
lesser
Correct word choice
fewer
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 calories and gaining weight.
Moreover
Linking Words
, With the proliferation of globalisation, the staggering amount of
food
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-chain outlets selling
process
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processed
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food
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 items have superseded healthier home-cooked
food
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, the problem is accentuated by The growing number of
people
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, who eat irregularly and consume large portions of high-calorie
food
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. The adverse effects of
this
Linking Words
 problem include physical health problems and loss of productivity. First off
All
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, overweight
people
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 may have malfunctioned
body
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bodies
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 which contributes to the risk of developing Myriad chronic, respiratory and cardiovascular diseases.
For example
Linking Words
, as body fat percentage Increases, the person’s metabolism worsens, which in turn may result in diabetes or heart
diseases
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disease
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, obese
people
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 are often unhealthy and tend to suffer from stress and tiredness.
This
Linking Words
Lessens
Fix capitalization
lessens
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 their productivity and impacts their work.
For example
Linking Words
, it has been proven that
an
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a
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The
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apply
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overweight person needs to put more effort
to complete
Change preposition
into completing
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 some
task
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tasks
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 than a person with
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
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 Weight.
To conclude
Linking Words
, obesity is a stigma that stymies the social well-being of an individual. It’s mainly caused by inactive
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 and eating disorders and results in severe health problems and loss of productivity.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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