IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #advertisements #effects #individuals
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For the time being,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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commercial has been growing and broadening
influence
Correct pronoun usage
its influence
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,
due to
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have
Change the verb form
having
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 been changing technologies and increasing
sell
Replace the word
sales
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 which
have
Change the verb form
has
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 a positive impact on the income of
companies
Use synonyms
.
However
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, society throughout
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 has been noticing degradation among consumers, because they more time have been choosing things imposed by advertising and almost lost their own opinion.
Overall
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, I think we could avoid negative effects and get more positive for everybody if use
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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 carefully.
Thus
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, in the
beginning
Add a comma
beginning,
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 the advertisement was developed with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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good aims inasmuch as
advertising
Correct article usage
the advertising
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 clip should give consumers wide options to choice.
Besides
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, via
such
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 video
companies
Use synonyms
 could make highly competitive conditions among one-type
products
Use synonyms
. Now an advertisement around us
Add a missing verb
are permanently
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permanently
Change the word
permanent
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 because
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
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 access to more gadgets
such
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 as the internet, a billboard,
the
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apply
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TV and so on.
Therefore
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, new
products
Use synonyms
 and
companies
Use synonyms
 get more chances to represent them for better selling.
However
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, throughout
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 clip makers have been finding
out
Change preposition
apply
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methods
manipulate
Fix the infinitive
to manipulate
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of
Change preposition
apply
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an audience by repeatedly
represents
Wrong verb form
representing
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,
repeat
Wrong verb form
repeating
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 words, or, even,
implement
Wrong verb form
implementing
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 some technology that impairs on psychology of consumers.
For example
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, early in the century had shown much news about
a
Correct article usage
the
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 twenty-fifth of frame that
imposed
Verb problem
forced
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 people to buy
this
Linking Words
 product
then
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 throughout plenty of years different
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 to
try denied
Wrong verb form
deny
show examples
this
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 information.
Moreover
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, many advertisements show standards of beauty via new creams or other
products
Use synonyms
 that make women more beautiful or help
lose
Correct pronoun usage
them lose
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 weight
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to doubt about their appearance.
Besides
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, many
companies
Use synonyms
 via advertising have been selling
not quality
Correct your spelling
low-quality
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products
Use synonyms
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
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a good clip
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
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 high quality in our time.
Thus
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, a good start turns
to
Change preposition
into
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 something ambiguous.
To sum up
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, I believe advertising
as
Add a missing verb
is as
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 good as other methods of product
promotions
Fix the agreement mistake
promotion
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.
However
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, necessary to restrict using
such
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 videos and turn them
to
Change preposition
into
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 a style
that is
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 more comparative than attractive and intrusive.
Submitted by ilua.cavchuk on

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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more clearly and in more depth. Make sure to elaborate on both positive economic effects and negative social effects in a balanced manner.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to use more precise vocabulary and to include specific examples to support your points, which would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs smoothly transition from one idea to the next, maintaining a clear line of reasoning throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the issues and expressing your own opinion effectively.
task achievement
Your understanding of the dual nature of advertising impacts — both economic and social — is apparent.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer spending
  • Economic growth
  • Brand awareness
  • Market competition
  • Innovation
  • Employment opportunities
  • Tax revenues
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Idealized lifestyle
  • Dissatisfaction
  • Harmful stereotypes
  • Manipulative tactics
  • Psychological impacts
  • Ethical standards
  • Responsible consumer behavior
What to do next:
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