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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Eating too much sugar is harmful for health.Some think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption,while other people believe it is individual’s responsibility .Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#sugar #health #think #government’s #responsibility #limit #people’s #consumption #people #individual’s
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Various
health
issue
Suggestion
issues
 have been linked to excessive
intake
 of
sugar
 like diabetes mellitus and obesity. While some are of the opinion that the
government
 should curtail people's
sugar
intake
, others believe that it is individual that should be held responsible.
Although
 there are conflicting arguments on both sides. For effective
control
, I believe both the
government
 and individuals should work together to combat the debilitating illness that irrational consumption of
sugar
 can cause.
Firstly
, the
government
 is responsible for the general well being of its
citizenry including
Accept comma addition
citizenry, including
 their
health
 in which
sugar
 plays a major role. If our authorities could involve in the
control
 of
this
 menace, citizens will take them
serious
Suggestion
seriously
. A case in point is the United States bill on excessive consumption of junk foods that was passed into law recently.
This
 has reduced overweight and its associated risks by 25%. The same result can be achieved if the
government
is involve
Suggestion
is involved
involves
 in regulating our
sugar
intake
.
On the other hand
, it is possible for the
government
 to
control
intake
 of
sugar
, but if the populace
are
Suggestion
is
 recalcitrant, it will experience automatic failure.
First
 and foremost, primary prevention,
that is
 preventive measures at
individual's level
Suggestion
the individual's level
 is by far better and more result oriented than general measures- tertiary level (the
government
).
For instance
, if we can have positive attitudes to eating non-sugary products at our different homes, in no time, the companies that produce
sugar
 will have to fold up and
this
 will lead to improvement in the overall
health
 status of the nation.
Moreover
, it is now a fact
that is
 well known and it has equally been published and advocated in
medical journal
Suggestion
a medical journal
medical journals
 that individual
(
Accept space
(
primary
)
Accept space
)
 measures and
control
 is key in reducing morbidity and mortality caused by
consumption
Suggestion
the consumption
 of
sugar
 in large quantities. To conclude, while there has been
conflict
Suggestion
conflicting
 on who to limit the ingestion of
sugar
 because of its devastating
health
 problems, I strongly hope that if individuals and the
government
 can work together, success can be achieved in no mean time and the burden of diseases caused by
sugar
 will significantly be reduced.
Submitted by Dammy on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public health epidemic
  • Chronic diseases
  • Sugar taxation
  • Nutritional labeling
  • Self-discipline
  • Health consciousness
  • Preventative healthcare
  • Dietary guidelines
  • Consumer behavior
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Obesity rates
  • Health promotion
  • Government intervention
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