IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commercial has been growing and broadening its influence
due to
Linking Words
 changing technologies and increasing sales that have a positive impact on the income of
companies
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, society throughout the years has been noticing degradation among consumers, because more and more often they choose things imposed by advertising and almost
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their own opinion.
Overall
Linking Words
, I think we could avoid negative effects and get more positive ones for everybody if use
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 carefully. The advertisement was
initially
Linking Words
 developed with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good aims inasmuch as advertising clips should give consumers wide options
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to choice.
Besides
Linking Words
, via
such
Linking Words
 videos
companies
Use synonyms
 can make highly competitive conditions among one-type
products
Use synonyms
. Now an advertisement surrounds
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us permanently, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 access to more tools
means
Verb problem
apply
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as the internet, billboards, the TV and so on.
Therefore
Linking Words
, new
products
Use synonyms
 and
companies
Use synonyms
 get more chances to represent them for higher sales.
However
Linking Words
, throughout
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 clip makers have been finding
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
methods to manipulate the audience by repeatedly rotating the same videos, repeating words, or, even, implementing some technology that impairs
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the psychology of consumers.
For example
Linking Words
, early in the century, much news showed the technology of the twenty-fifth frame that forced people to buy the advertised product,
then
Linking Words
 throughout
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
plenty
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
years different sources tried to deny
this
Linking Words
 information.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many advertisements show standards of beauty via new creams or other
products
Use synonyms
 that make women more beautiful or help
lose
Correct pronoun usage
them lose
show examples
 weight
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to doubt about their appearance.
Besides
Linking Words
, many
companies
Use synonyms
 via advertising have been selling not
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
products
Use synonyms
, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a good clip
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 high quality in our time.
Thus
Linking Words
, a good start turns into something ambiguous.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe advertising
as
Add a missing verb
is as
show examples
 effective as other methods of product
promotions
Fix the agreement mistake
promotion
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, IT IS necessary to restrict using
such
Linking Words
 videos and turn them into commercials a style
that is
Linking Words
 more informative than attractive and intrusive.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure you stay on topic and address all parts of the task. Your essay successfully discusses both the positive economic effects and negative social effects of advertising, providing a balanced view.
task achievement
Some ideas need further elaboration and clearer expression. Provide specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Work on developing clear topic sentences and more coherent transitions between ideas for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Try to develop your main points with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. This will help improve the logical structuring of your argument.
introduction
The essay starts with a clear introduction that outlines the topic and establishes a balanced perspective.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, providing a sense of closure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer spending
  • Economic growth
  • Brand awareness
  • Market competition
  • Innovation
  • Employment opportunities
  • Tax revenues
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Idealized lifestyle
  • Dissatisfaction
  • Harmful stereotypes
  • Manipulative tactics
  • Psychological impacts
  • Ethical standards
  • Responsible consumer behavior
What to do next:
Look at other essays: