IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones is disrupting social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technologies #phones #interaction
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Some would argue that
with
Change preposition
apply
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the revolution of technology and
introduction
Correct article usage
the introduction
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 of electronic devices
such
Linking Words
 as cell phones have adversely
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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social communication.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 statement and believes that these changes have helped
people
Use synonyms
 stay connected with each other and
saves
Correct subject-verb agreement
save
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 valuable time spent on travelling to meet others. With the recent technological advancement telecommunication industry
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 seen a
significantly
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significant
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 improvement compared to other industries and humans are enjoying the benefits of it. Mobile phones and other related electronic devices have
enable
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enabled
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people
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 to make voice and video
call
Correct subject-verb agreement
calls
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 at a cheaper price which was not commercially available 20 years ago.
Linking Words
Further
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Further,
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 it allows
people
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 to stay connected with one another from one country to another
throught
Correct your spelling
through
 the use of
internet
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the internet
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.
For
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instance
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instance,
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 I can speak to my family through
whatsapp
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WhatsApp
 or
viber
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Viber
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 whenever I go on a business visit to
china
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China
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. The availability of electronic gadgets
have
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has
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 brought enormous merits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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business communication.It has certainly made
the
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apply
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life easy at
work
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 and
save
Wrong verb form
saved
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 employees time which allows them to spend time with their family and friends.
For
Linking Words
example
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example,
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 in my
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work
Correct your spelling
workplace
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place
Add a comma
place,
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people
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 have set up a
whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
 group and share all the important news related to the
work
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 and it gives the opportunity
to
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apply
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the
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apply
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superior's
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superiors
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 to
assigned
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assign
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work
Use synonyms
 to their team members when they are not present at the location. In conclusion,the advent of new technology in the form of various devices
have
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has
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 assisted
people
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 to socialise and to carry out their
work
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 and life conveniently compared to the early days.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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