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Writing Samples
Band 7

Today, many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

#children #time #computer #games #sports #development
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These days, playing computer games has become a pastime for many children. They tend to spend a large amount of
time
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 on
this
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 activity rather than play sports.
This
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 trend is mainly attributed to the development of technology as well as overprotective parents. Personally, I strongly believe that paying attention exclusively to games has detrimental impacts on children’s lives.
Firstly
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, there are two primary reasons leading to
this
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 phenomenon. With the advance technology, game companies are capable of transforming 2D games into virtual worlds.
In other words
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, video games have become more engrossing and appealing to children. The
second
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 reason is that due to the pollution, parents barely allow their children to go out and participate in sports. With the fear of exposure to pollutants and toxic substances on the streets, they tend to let their kids stay indoors.
As a result
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, young people have to play games as a means of entertainment.
Secondly
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, spending too much
time
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 playing computer games is absolutely harmful to children. It is undeniable that they may suffer from short-sightedness and backache after a long
time
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 sitting in front of the computer screen.
Additionally
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, game addiction can possibly distract them from studying as they could hardly find interest in learning, but playing games
instead
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.
Finally
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, the positive impacts of sports on people’s health is indisputable. Not only does doing exercise improve physical strength, but
also
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 mental health. While playing sports, children can strengthen their muscles as well as get fit.
Moreover
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, playing sports in teams can help them relax and build a close relationship with their friends. In conclusion, a sedentary lifestyle with most of the
time
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 playing games and no
time
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 for sports is a consequence of the technological development and being protected too much. My view is that
this
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 trend definitely has negative effects on children.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • allure
  • captivate
  • supervise
  • accessible
  • scarcity
  • safer alternative
  • peer pressure
  • educational tools
  • cognitive skills
  • implications
  • obesity
  • poor posture
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving abilities
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