IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

some people think that mobile phones are harmful for their children , while others disagree . discuss both sides and give your opinion .

#people #phones #children
People hold different views as to whether mobile phones are detrimental to children or not. In my opinion,
this
 depends very much on how the phones are used and how that use is supervised as to whether they are harmful to children or not. On the one hand, some people think children can be harmed by using mobile phones mainly because the games and apps found on phones, which are mostly not educational, can easily become addictive.
This
 result in children engaging less in healthy physical activities and spending less time on homework, both of which can have dire ramifications in the long run.
Furthermore
, using mobile phones exposes children to a monitored social media platform where predators might be lurking in wait by taking advantage of the anonymity offered online.
On the other hand
, mobile phones can protect children by allowing parents to track their geographical location and contact them immediately if necessary. Never before have parents been able to know the exact whereabouts of their
child
 minute by minute.
Besides
, instant communication provides essential security for children in times of crisis.
lastly
Suggestion
Lastly
, mobile phones does allow access to educational apps specifically created for children, which, if used wisely, can
further
 their education.
Finally
, I believe that if parents monitor how the smartphone is being used by their
child
Suggestion
children
, it can be beneficial for the
child
’s development. By blocking certain social media sites, parents can be sure their
child
 is safe whilst being online.
Moreover
, by setting time limits on how long their
child
 can use the phone means that it will not interfere with a
child
’s educational development and will avoid any form of addiction. In conclusion, children are only at risk when using a mobile phone if they are not being supervised and not given strict guidelines to follow which are set by their parents.
Submitted by engya435 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive screen time
  • health problems
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • disrupted sleep patterns
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • reliance
  • impair
  • social skills
  • educational tools
  • digital literacy
  • mitigated
  • parental guidance
  • safeguards
  • responsible use
  • monitored
  • development
  • benefits
  • risks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: