IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A school of thought holds that
charity
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 organizations should focus on their own
country
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,
while
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 others believe they should help
people
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 anywhere in the world.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, it is understandable that
charity
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 groups should help
people
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 in their own
country
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 first.
This
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 is because there are still many poor
people
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, homeless
people
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, or sick
people
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 in their own nation. If the
charity
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 helps local
people
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, the
country
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 can become stronger and more united.
Also
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, local charities may understand the problems of their own
people
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 better than problems in other countries.
On the other hand
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, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that
charity
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 organizations should help anyone who needs help, even if they are in another
country
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.
Nowaday
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Nowadays
show examples
, we live in a global world, and problems in one
country
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 can affect others.
For example
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, if there is a war, natural disaster or disease,
people
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 from different countries can suffer. So, helping others in need, no matter where they are, can make the world a better place. It
also
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 shows kindness and humanity. In my opinion,
charity
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 organizations should try to help
people
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 in both their own
country
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 and other countries. Of course, they can focus more on their local area, but when possible, they should
also
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 support international
people
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 who really need help.

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coherence and cohesion
While the introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, try to summarize the points you will discuss in the essay more explicitly. This will help guide the reader.
task achievement
In your main points, while you provide clear arguments, consider adding more specific examples or real-life scenarios to support your statements better.
language accuracy
Make sure to proofread for small errors, like 'nowaday' which should be 'nowadays'. Minor grammatical issues can slightly affect your overall score.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument in a balanced way, which shows a good understanding of the topic and its complexity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is structured well, with clear paragraphs for different arguments, which contributes to the coherence of the overall response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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