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Writing Samples
Band 3

The graph below shows the sales of children’s books, adult fiction and education books between 2002 and 2006. Summarize the info by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the sales of children’s books, adult fiction and education books between 2002 and 2006. Summarize the info by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#sales #children’s #books #adult #fiction #education #info #features #comparisons
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It is a well-known fact that to shape our
children
Use synonyms
, is to shape our future.
However
Linking Words
, there seems to be a dilemma regarding whether it is the responsibility of the
parents
Use synonyms
 or the teachers, who should educate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young minds to be better members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. I believe both of them play crucial roles and would like to shed some light on
this
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 opinion.
Firstly
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,
children
Use synonyms
’s personalities are said to be deeply influenced by their
parents
Use synonyms
. To elaborate
this
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further
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 pass on their traits not only genetically, but
also
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 psychologically.
For instance
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, various
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
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 state that a child learns and acquires almost 80% of knowledge, language and habits via his/her environment and 20% through genes. We all know that a small kid spends
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of his/her time confined indoors. So, it would be quite logical to deduce that
parents
Use synonyms
 play a much vital part in
upbringing
Add an article
the upbringing
show examples
 of their
children
Use synonyms
. It is how the
parents
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 interact with each other
as well as
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 their child that decides the personality of the young one.
Conversely
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, one should not undermine the importance of a teacher too. Educators are professionally trained. They spend their entire career
in
Change preposition
apply
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teaching
countless
Change the article
a countless
the countless
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number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
. It is through their methods of lessons, moral stories, interactive activities, and interaction with other
children
Use synonyms
 coming from a mix of social and cultural backgrounds, that a child learns to imbibe and incorporate virtues
that
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 essential to behave as a good member of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Thus
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, teachers
as well as
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 the schooling environment
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a major impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a child’s life; socially, mentally and emotionally.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, I would like to
re-iterate
Correct your spelling
reiterate
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 the points of inheriting and acquiring traits from
parents
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the role of educators and schooling in moulding the personalities of our future.
Finally
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, I believe that both the
parents
Use synonyms
,
as well as
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 the
teachers
Add the comma(s)
,teachers
show examples
 have an equal and synergistic role in nurturing the
children
Use synonyms
, to be better citizens of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society tomorrow.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, parents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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