In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing, Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society

In today’s world, it appears that the increasing number of the elderly meets controversial opinions from different

people

. Some agree that

this

trend

offers benefits

while

others argue that there may include many drawbacks to society. From my perspective,

this

issue has both sides that need consideration.

To begin

with, several upsides can be seen when there are more and more old

people

in many countries. First and foremost, in terms of careers, older workers may have more opportunities to pursue their dreams with their long-term experience. Unlike when they were young, naive and struggling to earn a living without thinking of chasing their dream jobs, the elderly can be promoted and have enough money to start up or do what they hardly did before with ease.

Secondly

, regarding exploration, the retired can have more chances to explore some places in the world that they have never experienced.

In other words

, the period when they enjoy every moment of their lives can be prolonged.

Thus

, it can be seen that there are many positive aspects of

this

trend

On the other hand

This

issue

also

poses some threads to both residents and governments. One of the main problems is

also

about occupations. To make it clear,

this

trend

enhances the elderly’s opportunities and closes the window of the young simultaneously. It is impossible for the ones who have just stepped out of the gate of university to have an equal chance as the old

people

. Another challenge is related to governments. That the number of old

people

is increasing means the fees for health services

also

rose as there are many risks of certain illnesses to the old

people

. Nursing homes are

also

necessary

due to

the lack of those who can take care of the elderly.

This

affects directly the income of a nation

as well as

the quality of life all over the world. In conclusion,

while

this

trend

presents some advantages including careers and travelling, it

also

offers disadvantages

such

as fewer opportunities for the young and health services.

Therefore

, it is vital to take advantage of its benefits and consider its potential consequences.

Submitted by bichngoc.ngochoa on Sun Jun 23 2024

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task achievement

Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing. This can help in providing a clearer picture to the reader.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph seamlessly transitions to the next. You can use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.

task achievement

You have given a balanced view on the topic and discussed both positive and negative aspects of the increasing number of elderly people.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The logical structure is evident and easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

357 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing, Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut subjects such as arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on subject such as information and technology. To what extend do you agree?

In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.