In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing, Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society

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In today’s world, it appears that the increasing number of the elderly meets controversial opinions from different

people

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. Some agree that

this

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trend

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offers benefits

while

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others argue that there may include many drawbacks to society. From my perspective,

this

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issue has both sides that need consideration.

To begin

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with, several upsides can be seen when there are more and more old

people

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in many countries. First and foremost, in terms of careers, older workers may have more opportunities to pursue their dreams with their long-term experience. Unlike when they were young, naive and struggling to earn a living without thinking of chasing their dream jobs, the elderly can be promoted and have enough money to start up or do what they hardly did before with ease.

Secondly

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, regarding exploration, the retired can have more chances to explore some places in the world that they have never experienced.

In other words

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, the period when they enjoy every moment of their lives can be prolonged.

Thus

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, it can be seen that there are many positive aspects of

this

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trend

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On the other hand

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This

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issue

also

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poses some threads to both residents and governments. One of the main problems is

also

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about occupations. To make it clear,

this

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trend

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enhances the elderly’s opportunities and closes the window of the young simultaneously. It is impossible for the ones who have just stepped out of the gate of university to have an equal chance as the old

people

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. Another challenge is related to governments. That the number of old

people

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is increasing means the fees for health services

also

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rose as there are many risks of certain illnesses to the old

people

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. Nursing homes are

also

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necessary

due to

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the lack of those who can take care of the elderly.

This

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affects directly the income of a nation

as well as

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the quality of life all over the world. In conclusion,

while

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this

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trend

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presents some advantages including careers and travelling, it

also

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offers disadvantages

such

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as fewer opportunities for the young and health services.

Therefore

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, it is vital to take advantage of its benefits and consider its potential consequences.

Submitted by bichngoc.ngochoa on Sun Jun 23 2024

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task achievement

Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing. This can help in providing a clearer picture to the reader.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph seamlessly transitions to the next. You can use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.

task achievement

You have given a balanced view on the topic and discussed both positive and negative aspects of the increasing number of elderly people.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The logical structure is evident and easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

357 words

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In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing, Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give the reasons and relative examples upon your own experiences.

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?