in many countries people are now living longer than ever before. some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. to what extent do the advantages of having an ageing populaiton outweigh the disadvantages? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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Many countries have more
people
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with longevity now. In theory, they say that it would become a problem for the government because of the decreasing productivity of elders. Some say that it can be beneficial to society as
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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population
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends

It seems that the verb tend does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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to bring wisdom and cultural value with them. In my opinion, I agree with the second argument. Not only that, an old person can have a lot more experience, relatives, and networks than the younger generation. They can teach the young ones to be more productive, by giving them advice and preventing them from making the same mistakes they had overcome in their time.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a TV station can make a talk show event when they invite
older
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the older

The noun phrase older community seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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community and have a live interview with them. They can talk with inspirational
people
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, like Abdurrahman Wahid or BJ Habibie, the former president of Indonesia, in Kick Andy. From the talk, we, as a lifelong learner, can learn a lot from them, from their attitude, the reason for their policy back in their time as president, their achievements, to
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the

The noun phrase most important thing seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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most important thing, their principles. Not only inspirational, but they are
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

giving hope for the next generation to continue their legacy and make the world a better place. It would be perfect in a balanced society composition when older folk, who have already retired, are not too many in numbers but their numbers are not much different from
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

living in their productive ages. It can
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

be practical in a country that has many more productive
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

than the old and the young.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is usually called the diamond population. But it would be a bit hard for a country with an hourglass society when there are less productive
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

than the young and the old.
Due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

their overwhelming responsibility to take care of their parents and children,
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

their career, a person can bear a lot of stress on his shoulders.
Not to mention
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

if their parents and children are sick. To sum it up, I agree that healthy elders may have many benefits for the productive population, they can be wise parents, understanding friends, even teachers when they have to and take care of the young ones. But, out of respect, it would be a bit difficult when they are sick and the old community exceeds the productive one.

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure a clear and logical flow between paragraphs by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly.
task achievement
To strengthen your essay, include a broader range of specific examples, illustrating your points more vividly. This could involve citing more than just a single case or scenario.
task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint on the topic, setting the stage for the argument. Similarly, conclude your essay by succinctly summarizing your discussion and reaffirming your stance.
task achievement
You provided a well-balanced argument, carefully considering both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population.
task achievement
Your essay includes an engaging example that vividly illustrates your point, enhancing the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively used a logical structure within your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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