in many countries people are now living longer than ever before. some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. to what extent do the advantages of having an ageing populaiton outweigh the disadvantages? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Many countries have more
people
with longevity now. In theory, they say that it would become a problem for the government because of the decreasing productivity of elders. Some say that it can be beneficial to society as
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
show examples
population
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
to bring wisdom and cultural value with them. In my opinion, I agree with the second argument. Not only that, an old person can have a lot more experience, relatives, and networks than the younger generation. They can teach the young ones to be more productive, by giving them advice and preventing them from making the same mistakes they had overcome in their time.
For example
, a TV station can make a talk show event when they invite
older
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the older
show examples
community and have a live interview with them. They can talk with inspirational
people
, like Abdurrahman Wahid or BJ Habibie, the former president of Indonesia, in Kick Andy. From the talk, we, as a lifelong learner, can learn a lot from them, from their attitude, the reason for their policy back in their time as president, their achievements, to
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the
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most important thing, their principles. Not only inspirational, but they are
also
giving hope for the next generation to continue their legacy and make the world a better place. It would be perfect in a balanced society composition when older folk, who have already retired, are not too many in numbers but their numbers are not much different from
people
living in their productive ages. It can
also
be practical in a country that has many more productive
people
than the old and the young.
This
is usually called the diamond population. But it would be a bit hard for a country with an hourglass society when there are less productive
people
than the young and the old.
Due to
their overwhelming responsibility to take care of their parents and children,
as well as
their career, a person can bear a lot of stress on his shoulders.
Not to mention
if their parents and children are sick. To sum it up, I agree that healthy elders may have many benefits for the productive population, they can be wise parents, understanding friends, even teachers when they have to and take care of the young ones. But, out of respect, it would be a bit difficult when they are sick and the old community exceeds the productive one.
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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure a clear and logical flow between paragraphs by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly.
task achievement
To strengthen your essay, include a broader range of specific examples, illustrating your points more vividly. This could involve citing more than just a single case or scenario.
task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint on the topic, setting the stage for the argument. Similarly, conclude your essay by succinctly summarizing your discussion and reaffirming your stance.
task achievement
You provided a well-balanced argument, carefully considering both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population.
task achievement
Your essay includes an engaging example that vividly illustrates your point, enhancing the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively used a logical structure within your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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