IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about bakery's average sales in three different branches in 2015.

The table below gives information about bakery's average sales in three different branches in 2015.
#information #bakery #sales #three #branches
The table illustrates the data regarding
bakery's
Correct article usage
the bakery's
show examples
 average profit in comparison with the 3 stores
such
 as
Lodon
Correct your spelling
London's
London
Covent
Garden
,
Oxford
Circus
 and St. John's wood in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2015.
Overall
, the majority of the sales are coming from the branch of Convent
Garden
 with their famous product which is the croissant.
However
, St John's wood has less likely to have many customers
among
Change preposition
than
show examples
 the other
2 store
Add a hyphen
2-store
show examples
chain
Fix the agreement mistake
chains
show examples
. In terms of the transaction number,
Covent
Garden
 has 642
while
Oxford
Circus
 gathered 538 only with the value of 7.58 and 4.5 respectively. The
Covent
Garden
 caters
dine-in
Change preposition
to dine-in
show examples
, which is at 304 and
take out
Add a hyphen
take-out
show examples
 service at approximately 338 transactions
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Oxford
circus
has
Add the particle
tohas
show examples
eat in
Add a hyphen
eat-in
show examples
 service
about
Change preposition
at about
show examples
 247 and
take away
Add a hyphen
take-away
show examples
 accounts
291
Change preposition
at 291
show examples
. The most famous product is
croissant
Correct article usage
the croissant
show examples
 in
Covent
Garden
while
medium
Correct article usage
the medium
show examples
 latte in
Oxford
Circus
.
Conversely
, St. John's Wood acquired almost half only of the sale in comparison with the 2 branches, having a total transaction of 269 with a value of 5.01, much higher compared to
Oxford
Circus
.
Moreover
, demand
strawberry
Change preposition
for strawberry
show examples
 tart is the most popular in their shop.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words covent, garden, oxford, circus with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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