Nowadays more and more people have access to the Internet. But constant availability of any information worsens people's memory and critical thinking skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that these days a number of
people
can access the Internet
whereas
the constant availability of any information deteriorates individuals
' memory and crucial thinking skills. From my perspective, it seems convincing since the internet
makes people
have illnesses such
as obesity and it deeply leads to a decrease in the growth of the economy.
To begin
with, I accept that the Internet
is one of the most considerable services around the world. First of all, writing an essay or confirming information like news can make us comfortable, and people
do not have to get the information anymore. In this
regard, individuals
can increase their morale of growth in their workforce and students can make their assignments faster by gathering data. Secondly
, the Internet
is deeply associated with money because many individuals
work on it through the Internet
. Nowadays, there are a number of companies related to the Internet
using it as well
as
the Correct word choice
and
Internet
is being consumed by people
, meaning that it is a unique opportunity to earn rising salaries. For example
, there are big corporations in the USA such
as Apple, Amazon, and Instagram. which are the most valuable companies around the world, their services are used on the Internet
so they can make their profits rapidly.
On the other hand
, I am convinced that many scholars worry about using the Internet
since there are some terrible effects on humans' minds and bodies. Firstly
, the internet
makes people
obese because they tend not to move from their houses to access the internet
and prefer spontaneously online society instead
of activating outside. Their health would continuously deteriorate and it leads to passing away. Secondly
, the number of people
who want to stay online is related to the economy. While
normal individuals
stay in their workplaces to earn salaries, they do not do anything because they are addicted to the Internet
. Also
, they do not pay taxes and it leads to depression in public facilities. For instance
, in Japan, there is a significant harmful issue called "Hikikomori", in which people
do not go out and stay continuously at home. As a result
, Japan's economic growth is decreasing steadily since almost all of them do not work so taxes could not submitted.
In conclusion, the drawbacks that the internet
brings to both people
and the authorities should not be underestimated.Submitted by celebrate1231 on
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Relevant Specific Examples
Try to provide more specific examples that directly relate to your arguments about memory and critical thinking.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows smoothly to the next. Transitions between ideas need to be strengthened.
Task Achievement
Make sure your arguments align closely with the essay prompt. Focus more on how the Internet affects memory and critical thinking, as asked in the question.
Introduction & Conclusion Present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that align well with the topic.
Complete Response
You have recognized the dual-sided impact of the Internet, discussing both positive and negative aspects.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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