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Writing Samples
Band 2

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development
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Advantages of improved medical care is
outweigh
Suggestion
outweighing
 the disadvantages. The reasons why I think
this
Linking Words
 way is,
first
Linking Words
 of all, back in decades, many people die from varied types of
cancer
Use synonyms
 and other illnesses. But now, most of the people recover from those illnesses.
Also
Linking Words
, doctors, scientist came out with
cureness
provide a cure for, make healthy again
cures
 for
cancer
Use synonyms
.
Second
Linking Words
 of all, people's lifestyle became much healthier than
late
Suggestion
later
 times. From my experience, in 1980 my grandfather died from lung
cancer
Use synonyms
. At that time, my grandfather didn't do annual check up in
hospital
Suggestion
the hospital
 and suddenly died. After he died, my parents find out that he died from lung
cancer
Use synonyms
 from his autopsy.
Last
Linking Words
 year, my grandmother
has
Suggestion
had
same
Suggestion
the same cancer, as
the same cancer as
cancer
Use synonyms
 as my grandfather. But different than him, we find out she has
cancer
Use synonyms
 in early stages, After, many treatments and
chemos
a soft suede leather formerly from the skin of the chamois antelope but now from sheepskin
chamois
chemise
 she became fine and still happily living with us. That's why I'm really supportive
to
Suggestion
of
 medical improvement and wish it helps
lot
Suggestion
lots
 of people who need help.
Submitted by dorjpagmag420 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
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