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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010.

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010.
#data #earnings #three #bakeries #london
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The graph illustrates
yearly
Correct article usage
the yearly
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 income of three different bakeries in London between 2000 and 2010.
Overall
, it is obvious that changes in the amount of Sofia and
cake
lab
 showed upward trends, simultaneously bakery-Buns represented completely vice verse trend.
According to
 the picture Sofia stayed
a
Change preposition
at a
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steady level
about
Change preposition
of about
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 100 over the course of 5 years,
while
cake
lab
have
Change the verb form
has
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 already presented a sharp increase from 20 to 40 during these years.
However
Add a comma
,However
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 in 2005
cake
lab
 presented plateau trends till the end of
the
Change the article
apply
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2008.
In addition
, at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
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 Sofia significantly increased
about
Change preposition
by about
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 200.The consumption of both bakeries rockets their levels: Safia (200),
cake
Correct word choice
and cake
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lab
 (100) towards the end of the year.
In contrast
, Buns were a little bit
non fruitful
Add a hyphen
non-fruitful
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 business for a decade.It showed
Correct article usage
a noticeably
show examples
noticeably
Change the word
noticeable
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 decrease
about
Change preposition
of about
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 150-30
at the end
 of the year.
Although
 even it was shown
the
Change preposition
at the
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 highest point at the beginning
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 2000-2002 about 150-200,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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finally
 it had been detected that its consumers denied
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
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this products
Change the determiner
this product
these products
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 for the rest of the year in it was falling about 30.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cake, lab with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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