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Band 6.5

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010.

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010.
#data #earnings #three #bakeries #london
The graph illustrates
yearly
Correct article usage
the yearly
show examples
 income of three different bakeries in London between 2000 and 2010.
Overall
, it is obvious that changes in the amount of Sofia and
cake
lab
 showed upward trends, simultaneously bakery-Buns represented completely vice verse trend.
According to
 the picture Sofia stayed
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
steady level
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 100 over the course of 5 years,
while
cake
lab
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 already presented a sharp increase from 20 to 40 during these years.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 in 2005
cake
lab
 presented plateau trends till the end of
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2008.
In addition
, at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 Sofia significantly increased
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 200.The consumption of both bakeries rockets their levels: Safia (200),
cake
Correct word choice
and cake
show examples
lab
 (100) towards the end of the year.
In contrast
, Buns were a little bit
non fruitful
Add a hyphen
non-fruitful
show examples
 business for a decade.It showed
Correct article usage
a noticeably
show examples
noticeably
Change the word
noticeable
show examples
 decrease
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 150-30
at the end
 of the year.
Although
 even it was shown
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 highest point at the beginning
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 2000-2002 about 150-200,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
finally
 it had been detected that its consumers denied
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
this products
Change the determiner
this product
these products
show examples
 for the rest of the year in it was falling about 30.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cake, lab with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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