IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Women should have an equal role alongside men in both police and armed forces. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#women #role #men #police #forces
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Nowadays, an Increasing numbers of women are choosing to join in military and
police
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force
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.
Although
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 I think that females should be given enough chances in
such
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 national security division, I personally disagree, with the idea that there is a need for equal participation in certain positions. One the one hand, women should be chosen for jobs according to their skills, qualifications and character. Indeed, females are capable of doing jobs in which communication and high pressure are involved.
For example
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, Marta Chavez, who was the minister of national defence in Peru from 1990 to 1995, marked an important precedent being the
first
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 woman in the charge.
Furthermore
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, she was an important figure in the fight against terrorism in those years, illustrating the large ability of women to resolve and create strategies in decisive periods.
On the other hand
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, it is an undeniable fact that both males and females have specific characteristics. A great number of positions in military and
police
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 forces require physical strength, which made it more suitable for men. To illustrate
this
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 more, take the case of the
police
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force
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, who may constantly encounter fight with protesters on the street, charging heavy weapons and barriers, using only
force
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 to retain the crowd.
Furthermore
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, rough times as the war situation often require an objective point of view rather than sensitive emotions,
this
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 could be a transcendental choice between staying alive or death. To sum up, considering the fact that there are a great number of positions in the army and
police
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force
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 that require high physical power, I fully support the idea that there is no need to have equal roles.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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