IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The use of mobile phones is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phones should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, the
use
Use synonyms
 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 has globalized, and every individual utilizes them to make their life more comfortable. It is claimed that
this
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 trend is as antisocial as smoking,
therefore
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, it should be prohibited. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
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 idea.
Firstly
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, the
use
Use synonyms
 of cellular
phones
Use synonyms
 can make us more socialized and would be an educational tool for us. Nowadays, globalization has been progressing and the demand for learning second languages has
also
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 become increasingly important. In
this
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 social situation, smartphones enable us to interact with people from all over the world and learn another tongue readily.
For example
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, there are some applications offering us platforms to exchange languages, namely, Hello Talk and Tandem. At the same time, individuals can deepen their understanding of unfamiliar cultures through
this
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 communication.
Thus
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, the
use
Use synonyms
 of
phones
Use synonyms
 can be a beneficial way to educate people and it should not be banned.
Secondly
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, mobile
phones
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 play a crucial role in delivering urgent information in a situation of emergency.
For instance
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, when disasters
such
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 as earthquakes, tsunamis, and fire are about to happen, people are required to quickly escape from the site and evacuate to the safety area. Apparently, smartphone is the fastest way to obtain emerging information than traditional ways
such
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 as newspapers and TV.
Thus
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, it cannot be denied that the usage of portable
phones
Use synonyms
 can save people’s lives and should not be banned. In conclusion, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 make our lives easier and play a crucial role in the academic field and emergency situations. Taking account into the mentioned advantages, I strongly believe that the
use
Use synonyms
 of
phones
Use synonyms
 should not be forbidden.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure by fully developing your paragraphs, using clear topic sentences, and creating stronger connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include both introduction and conclusion to frame your essay appropriately. The introduction should clearly state your position and the conclusion should effectively summarize the main points without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point in your essay is fully supported with explanations and examples. Develop each paragraph with a single clear main idea and avoid generalisations.
task achievement
You have addressed the task adequately by presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, consider offering counterarguments to enhance the depth of discussion.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas. Still, refine this further by exploring nuances and complexities within your arguments.
task achievement
While you provided relevant examples, they could be further detailed. Use specific and varied examples to elaborate on your points and strengthen their persuasiveness.
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