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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade-lebelled coffe and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade-lebelled coffe and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#tables #information #sales #coffe #bananas #five #european #countries #summarise #features #comparisons
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The tables illustrate the amount of money spent on
Fairtrade
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coffee
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 and
bananas
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 from 1999 to 2004 in five separate
countries
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:
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium,
Sweden
Correct word choice
and Sweden
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
sales
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 of
Fairtrade
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coffee
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 rose in all five
countries
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,
while
Linking Words
 there were three out of five
countries
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 went
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the money spent on
Fairtrade
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bananas
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 in two years.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 saw by far the highest levels of spending on the two products. In 1999, Switzerland had the highest
sales
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 of
Fairtrade
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coffee
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, at 3
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
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,
while
Linking Words
 the highest
sales
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 of
Fairtrade
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bananas
Use synonyms
 were in the
UK
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, at 15
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
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. By 2004,
UK
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's
Fairtrade
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coffee
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 strikingly grow to 20
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
, over three times
sales
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 in Switzerland.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there was a surge in
Use synonyms
UK's
Correct article usage
the UK's
show examples
Fairtrade
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bananas
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 in 2004, from 15
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
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 to 47
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
 in 1999 and 2004 respectively.
Sales
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 of two
Fairtrade
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 products were far lower in Denmark, Belgium,
Sweden
Correct word choice
and Sweden
show examples
.
Small
Add an article
A small
The small
show examples
 increase in
sales
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 of
Fairtrade
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coffee
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 can be seen, but revenue remained at 2
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
 or below in all three
countries
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 in both years.
Finally
Linking Words
, it is remarkable that the
sales
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in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Fairtrade
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bananas
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 went down to 1 and 0.9
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
 in Belgium and Sweden respectively.
Submitted by pnanh1123 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words fairtrade, coffee, bananas, countries, uk, sales, euros, million with synonyms.
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