IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many teenagers now have their own smartphones. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your opinion.

#teenagers #smartphones
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Almost all teenagers
today
Use synonyms
 have their personal
smartphones
Use synonyms
 and electronic devices. While mobile phones enhance the general knowledge of many growing children, I believe that the overuse of personal
smartphones
Use synonyms
 is making
today
Use synonyms
's youngsters more obese. The main advantage of having a smartphone is the level of information that school-going children can gain to help them with their studies. No doubt that the education system
today
Use synonyms
 has advanced, so in order to compete with other students, children require a potential source and
smartphones
Use synonyms
 can get access to any topic that schoolers require the most.
For instance
Linking Words
, the United States conducted a survey to find the concealed impacts of using
smartphones
Use synonyms
 on students, wherein researchers estimated that 75% of the time
smartphones
Use synonyms
 have provided help to the students, who specifically needed extra information with schoolwork. Despite
this
Linking Words
, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 encourages children to adopt a sedentary lifestyle, which can lead to poor
health
Use synonyms
. Playing games for extended periods of time with no or little exercise can result in weight gain among teenagers. Sitting in the same posture for longer periods of time with no exercise can cause many
health
Use synonyms
 issues among
today
Use synonyms
's young generation,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, high blood pressure and heart diseases. It is estimated that
today
Use synonyms
's children are 30% more likely to gain weight as compared to the kids 30 years ago because they were physically active. I believe that offspring should be encouraged to do some physical exercises because it will result in a healthier future of
today
Use synonyms
's youngsters with minor
health
Use synonyms
 issues. In conclusion,
smartphones
Use synonyms
 are very helpful for the children who are studying, but it is negatively affecting the
health
Use synonyms
 of the young generation because there is no physical exercise
involve
Suggestion
involved
 when kids use their
cellphones
Suggestion
cell phones
.
Submitted by js2698501 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: