IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The number of people being sent to prison is increasing year by year. While some people believe prison is the best way to tackle crime, others suggest that community service is more successful.” Discuss both views.

#people #prison #year #crime #community #service
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It is crystal clear that the account of
people
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 who are sent to jail has been increasing every year for a
while
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.
This
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 essay aims to highlight reasons why some
people
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 claim the benefit of
prison
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while
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 many others suggest that the establishment of
community
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service
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 would be more prolific. In many citizen's opinions,
prison
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 is the best way to plummet the rate of criminality all over the world.In fact,It is argued that
out
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our
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of
Change preposition
apply
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laws have to be roughly punished. In
this
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 regard,
prison
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 remains the best way to spread justice
according to
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 those
people
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.
Moreover
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, correctional institutions are
also
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 an effective way to deter
people
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 from committing
crimes
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 and a main weapon for the government, aiming to protect its population from bloody
criminals
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.The first-rate example that can be showcased is psychopathy, an incurable disease.Psychopaths suffer from a mental illness that triggers a sharp pulsion for assaulting others; which can lead to abysmal
crimes
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.For that matter,
prison
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 remains the best solution that provides a certain security for the whole
community
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.
On the other hand
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, many others believe that
prison
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 sentences are too long and so, inefficient.Indeed, prisoners are fed by the government during their stay in correctional institutions.
Furthermore
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, conditions inside
prison
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 are sometimes too much rough for a specific genre of
criminals
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, who committed minor
crimes
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.
According to
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 the partisans of
community
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service
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,
criminals
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, at least minor ones, should be reintegrated into our society.
In addition
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, these punished
people
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 would be more productive and beneficial for our
community
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.
For instance
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, Silvio Berlusconi,
ex Italy's
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ex-Italy's
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 president, was forced into
community
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service
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 because of minor accusations.The aforementioned man was the head commander of many companies. His arrest would have induced more joblessness. In conclusion,
prison
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 remains an effective tool to protect the population from
criminals
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 and deter
people
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 from committing
crimes
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.
Community
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service
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 is better in some cases though.
Submitted by namoisma on

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task achievement
Ensure to support each argument with relevant and specific examples. While the example of Silvio Berlusconi is relevant, more such examples can enhance the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph directly connects back to the main topic discussed in the introduction. This will help in maintaining a tighter link between ideas, improving logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and complexity to enhance clarity. Some sentences are quite long and may lose the reader, consider breaking these into shorter, more direct sentences.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both views effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets a clear agenda and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay transitions well between the discussion of the two viewpoints, maintaining a logical flow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Vocational training
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Sentencing
  • Offenders
  • Justice system
  • Community integration
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