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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?

#obesity #disease #adults #children
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For many
years obesity
Accept comma addition
years, obesity
 was perceived as a condition occurring only in adult life.
However
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, in recent years the number of children suffering from obesity has grown significantly. There are several causes and numerous solutions which can be used to tackle
this
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 worrying phenomenon, and
this
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 essay will present a couple of them. While some reasons for childhood obesity are genetic, others include poor
food
Use synonyms
 choices exacerbated by easy availability of fast
food
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, insufficient physical activity and a history of family members being overweight. Unlike the former, the latter factors can be changed, if the adults in the child’s life gain awareness and are willing to take action.
To begin
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 with, health is a complex matter which requires a balanced approach.
In other words
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, there isn’t a single solution to maintain health,
on the contrary
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, it is rather a mixture of multiple factors,
such
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 as healthy dieting and regular physical activity. For
this
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 reason, increasing the awareness of healthy habits among children is a responsibility of utmost importance. What is more, it can be easily achieved through the education system.
On the other hand
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, children’s education might be not sufficient enough to stop the situation from worsening. Along with well designed health education schemes, we should
also
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 try to stop
food
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 companies from overusing sugar in products dedicated to the young ones. It has been proven that more than 70% of the products available in an average supermarket contain dangerously high levels of white sugar. Sugar rich diet not only causes a significant weight gain, but
also
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 contributes to diseases,
such
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 as diabetes in
young
Suggestion
younger
 population. To summarize, emphasis put on the awareness of healthy living among children is invaluable.
Furthermore
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, combining healthy habits with stopping
food
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 companies from overdosing sugar in products which are easily accessible for children can be effectively implemented by the governments. Positive outcomes of
such
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 measures taken today will definitely have a long lasting effect on the future generations.
Submitted by ferdakerim on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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