Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The two pie chart depicts various retail sectors in New Zealand
along with
their percentage of online shopping
sales
. One pie chart indicates the
sales
for the year 2003 and the other for 2013.The different retail sectors that are mentioned in
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
chart are
travel
,
film
/music,
books
and
clothes
. In the year 2003, the
travel
sector
got
maximum
Change the article
a maximum
the maximum
show examples
number of
sales
which is 36%.Whilst, it seems that people were less interested
to shop
Change preposition
in shopping
show examples
books
as their
sales
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
least
that is
19%.
Furthermore
, only 21% of
sales
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
made by
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
/music
sector
and 24% of
sales
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
made by purchasing
clothes
online. The data for 2013 shows that
minimum
Change the article
a minimum
the minimum
show examples
number of people
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
opted to shop
clothes
Change preposition
for clothes
show examples
online. As
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result, they made 16%
sales
.
In addition
,
books
Correct article usage
the books
show examples
and
travel
sector
has managed to gain 22% and 29%
sales
Change preposition
in sales
show examples
respectively.
Also
, the largest percentage of
sales
has secured 33% by
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
/music
sector
.
Overall
, we can notice that the
sales
of
clothes
and
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
show examples
sector
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
dipped over a decade. In spite of
film
and
books
wasn't
Verb problem
being
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
favourite
Fix the agreement mistake
favourites
show examples
of online shoppers earlier,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
gained immense
sales
after 10 years.
Submitted by abhishek.shukla on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Surveillance
  • 2. Monitoring
  • 3. Cell phone tracking
  • 4. Security cameras
  • 5. Public safety
  • 6. Law enforcement
  • 7. Privacy concerns
  • 8. Personal freedom
  • 9. Autonomous
  • 10. Breach of trust
  • 11. Misuse of information
  • 12. Institutional integrity
  • 13. Psychological impact
  • 14. Mental well-being
  • 15. Societal trust
  • 16. Paranoia
  • 17. Transparency
  • 18. Stringent regulations
  • 19. Criminal deterrence
  • 20. Apprehension of criminals
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