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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The chart below show the number of Japanese tourist travelling abroad between 1985 1995

The chart below show the number of Japanese tourist travelling abroad between 1985 1995
#show #japanese #tourist
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The first chart illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of Japanese tourists which had travelled abroad during the period 1985 to 1995. And the
second
Linking Words
 chart shows
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.
According
Add the preposition
toAccording
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ro
Correct your spelling
to
 statistical information,
Japanase
Correct your spelling
Japanese
 tourists
travelled
Wrong verb form
travelling
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 abroad peaked in 1995. Indeed, there was a steady increase
while
Linking Words
 in 1985 there were more than
4million
Correct your spelling
4 million
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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.
Although
Linking Words
 there was not a big
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 about 5.8
million
Use synonyms
Japanase
Correct your spelling
Japanese
 people travelled abroad
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1985 compared with 6.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 1987. It has gradual increase more than 8
million
Use synonyms
 japan people went abroad in 1998 and it reached approximately
11million
Correct article usage
a 11million
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 in 1990. There was not a big decline in 1991. Travelling
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 foreign countries dropped
just
Change preposition
by just
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 over 10
million
Use synonyms
 in 1991.
Finally
Linking Words
, travelling abroad shows a steady increase over the period 1994-1995.
While
Linking Words
 there were about
14million
Correct your spelling
14 million
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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abroad in 1994, in 1995 the number peaked
to
Change preposition
at
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 nearly
Correct article usage
a 17million
show examples
17million
Correct your spelling
17 million
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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