Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination,while other think that tere are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is believed that the key to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
successful in life is to work hard and to be
determinate
Replace the word
determined
show examples
, but other viewpoints support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
and
the appearing
Wrong verb form
appearance
show examples
as the most important elements.
This
essay by discussing both points of view will support with explanations and examples the first viewpoint as the most determinant factors for success. The viewpoint that money and good looking are important to reach achievement,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is functional
in particular
cases. Several jobs have specific requirements for a work position
such
as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appearance.
For example
,
positions
Change preposition
in positions
show examples
such
as receptionist or hostess
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most important
elements
Fix the agreement mistake
element
show examples
to have success is to have a good posture and appearance. In cases of possessing a lot of money, it can help to open a business and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast growing
Add a hyphen
fast-growing
show examples
by contracting professionals
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
possess complex skills needed to solve problems. The triumph
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
not on a personal level, but achieved with the help of others. It is more than clear the importance of hard work and determination in order to be successful. By working hard and being
determinate
Replace the word
determined
show examples
to move forward different skills and knowledge are gained.
This
skill and information are the keys to a brighter career as it will be easy to deal with all problems which require advanced information and skills to be solved.
For example
,
according to
a survey from Forbes for the 100 most successful entrepreneurs of 2019,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all came from poor families and have achieved
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high levels by working for 16 hours a day. Conclusion- incomes and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good looking are important elements to be successful only in specific cases
while
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the other hand
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard effort and strong
motivations
Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
show examples
to achieve high levels are the most important
element
Fix the agreement mistake
elements
show examples
for success.
Submitted by basha.aldior2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction presents a clear thesis statement and the conclusion summarizes the key points effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question but lacks depth in analysis. Provide more detailed arguments and explore the viewpoints in greater detail.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that the essay follows a logical structure with clear progression of ideas.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used to express ideas and concepts. Pay attention to collocations and use appropriate academic and formal language.
grammatical range
Demonstrate a more varied use of complex sentence structures and pay attention to accurate use of grammar, punctuation, and verb tense.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • multifaceted
  • determination
  • humble beginnings
  • long-term goals
  • influential networks
  • public image
  • societal standards
  • amplify opportunities
  • foundational
  • crucial
  • exemplifying
What to do next:
Look at other essays: