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Band 6.5

Some people think that the role of parents is to discipline their children and teach them about the right and wrong. Other people consider the main responsibility of the parent is to nurture their children and provide them with a safe environment to grow up in. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #role #parents #discipline #children #right #responsibility #parent #environment
It has arguments that
parents
 play an important role in teaching their offspring how to distinguish right and wrong
while
 others think that
parents
 should focus on helping
the
Change the word
their
show examples
children
 to grow up safely. From the writer's perspective, the
kids
 should be nurtured in their psychological health and physical health by the
parents
 in a good way.
It is clear that
 nurturing
children
 has never been easy for
parents
. A kid would spend almost their time with their
parents
 until. It is able to go to school.
As a result
, the kid would imitate the thing that its
parents
 have done even if it is good or bad.
Moreover
 providing
children
 with knowledge about right or wrong in life is a smart way for them to be a good citizen.
On the other hand
, many disagree and think that educating is the work of teachers and
parents
 is the main factor that provides the
kids
 with an environment
that is
 safe enough to live in. By providing
children
 safe living environment and having the right upbringing,
kids
 can grow up fully and develop their mental and social skills.
Therefore
, being full of necessary skills can help the
children
 get a high salary in the future. In my individual opinion, nowadays,technologies
such
 as social media are developing significantly.
As a result
,
children
 can use modern devices to get information from the Internet easily.
That is
 the reason why
parents
 should protect their
kids
 from toxic content on the Internet. In conclusion, though educating
children
 is very important for their lives, the success of
children
also
 depends on the quality of their lives and the safe environment that
parents
 provide.
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task achievement
Your argument is generally clear, but try to be more specific with supporting examples. You state the importance of parents providing a safe environment and teaching right from wrong, but providing more detailed examples can strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next. Using transition words effectively can help make your essay more cohesive. For example, 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' and 'Furthermore' can help illustrate the progression of your arguments.
task achievement
You have clearly introduced the topic and provided both sides of the argument, which gives a solid foundation to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your arguments well and reaffirms your stance without introducing new information. This gives your essay a sense of closure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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