IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

28. Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

#people #birth #thirties #development #support
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In the contemporary era, most
females
Use synonyms
 tend to secure their careers
Linking Words
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
 in their early years of
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, which
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to the fact that more
females
Use synonyms
 tend to marry and become mothers in their late thirties. As one of
feminists
Add an article
the feminists
show examples
, I definitely opine that
women
Use synonyms
 will benefit more if they start their
families
Use synonyms
 later.
However
Linking Words
, under certain
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, marrying and having babies in old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
also
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cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 negative impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them.
To begin
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 with, it is easy for
women
Use synonyms
 to focus on their careers and establish their financial independence if they stay single until later in their thirties.
Firstly
Linking Words
, single
women
Use synonyms
 will be more flexible and competitive in the workforce. They are as competent as males in a job setting without the restriction for
children
Use synonyms
 and
families
Use synonyms
.
Children
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 and
families
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 may be obstacles for
women
Use synonyms
's careers because taking care of
children
Use synonyms
 and doing household
cores
Correct your spelling
chores
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all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will distract their attention and energy from their jobs.
Besides
Linking Words
, postponing getting
marriage
Replace the word
married
show examples
 and giving birth to
children
Use synonyms
 will assist
females
Use synonyms
 to focus
to earn
Change preposition
on earning
show examples
 money so that they will be able to provide a better living environment for their
children
Use synonyms
 and prevent stresses relevant to financial issues.
Researches
Fix the agreement mistake
Research
show examples
indicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicates
show examples
 that many housewives worldwide still rely on their husbands for a living. If
women
Use synonyms
 marry early, there is a higher chance for them to become housewives
due to
Linking Words
 traditional views. Obviously, more
women
Use synonyms
 have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lifestyle that they prefer.
This
Linking Words
 is the result of human civilization and feminism.
However
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, giving
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
birth in
late
Change the article
the late
show examples
 30s or early 40s will be a
high risk
Add a hyphen
high-risk
show examples
 pregnancy, which increases the risk for mothers or babies to suffer from health conditions
such
Linking Words
 as high blood pressure in pregnant
women
Use synonyms
 or Down syndrome in babies. The mortality rate of pregnant
women
Use synonyms
 is higher when they are over 35 years old.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 becoming a mother in their later 30s have a tougher time to adapt their new roles than those in their early 20s. In conclusion,
due to
Linking Words
feminism
Replace the word
feminist
show examples
 activities, nowadays,
females
Use synonyms
 will have equal opportunities in the workforce.
This
Linking Words
 may contribute to the phenomenon that they tend to marry and give birth in their later 30s
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the above reasons.
However
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 marrying and being
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
 in
late
Correct pronoun usage
their late
show examples
 30s will
also
Linking Words
 have some drawbacks for their health and their
children
Use synonyms
's health
as well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
 should choose the proper moment for themselves to start their
families
Use synonyms
 individually.
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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt and fully develops the ideas presented. Consider providing a clear opinion on whether the development is positive or negative, and to what extent it is supported.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, make sure that the main points are logically arranged and supported with relevant examples and explanations to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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