28. Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?
In the contemporary era, most
females
tend to secure their careers firstly
in their early years of Change the word
first
ages
, which Fix the agreement mistake
age
contribute
to the fact that more Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
females
tend to marry and become mothers in their late thirties. As one of feminists
, I definitely opine that Add an article
the feminists
women
will benefit more if they start their families
later. However
, under certain situation
, marrying and having babies in old Fix the agreement mistake
situations
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
also
cause
negative impacts Verb problem
have
to
them.
Change preposition
on
To begin
with, it is easy for women
to focus on their careers and establish their financial independence if they stay single until later in their thirties. Firstly
, single women
will be more flexible and competitive in the workforce. They are as competent as males in a job setting without the restriction for children
and families
. Children
and families
may be obstacles for women
's careers because taking care of children
and doing household cores
Correct your spelling
chores
all
will distract their attention and energy from their jobs. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Besides
, postponing getting marriage
and giving birth to Replace the word
married
children
will assist females
to focus to earn
money so that they will be able to provide a better living environment for their Change preposition
on earning
children
and prevent stresses relevant to financial issues. Researches
Fix the agreement mistake
Research
indicate
that many housewives worldwide still rely on their husbands for a living. If Correct subject-verb agreement
indicates
women
marry early, there is a higher chance for them to become housewives due to
traditional views. Obviously, more women
have right
to live Correct article usage
the right
in
the lifestyle that they prefer. Change preposition
apply
This
is the result of human civilization and feminism.
However
, giving a
birth in Remove the article
apply
late
30s or early 40s will be a Change the article
the late
high risk
pregnancy, which increases the risk for mothers or babies to suffer from health conditions Add a hyphen
high-risk
such
as high blood pressure in pregnant women
or Down syndrome in babies. The mortality rate of pregnant women
is higher when they are over 35 years old. Moreover
, women
becoming a mother in their later 30s have a tougher time to adapt their new roles than those in their early 20s.
In conclusion, due to
feminism
activities, nowadays, Replace the word
feminist
females
will have equal opportunities in the workforce. This
may contribute to the phenomenon that they tend to marry and give birth in their later 30s with
the above reasons. Change preposition
for
However
, women
marrying and being mother
in Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
late
30s will Correct pronoun usage
their late
also
have some drawbacks for their health and their children
's health as well
. Rephrase
apply
Therefore
, females
should choose the proper moment for themselves to start their families
individually.Submitted by busybee1693 on
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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt and fully develops the ideas presented. Consider providing a clear opinion on whether the development is positive or negative, and to what extent it is supported.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, make sure that the main points are logically arranged and supported with relevant examples and explanations to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.