Some people think that it would be better if whole family(Ex.Uncle,aunt and grand parents) involving in bringing up children rather than only parents. Give your opinion ?

#people #uncle #aunt #parents #children

There are different

believes

any cognitive content held as true

beliefs

regarding the involvement of different people in

upbrining

properties acquired during a person's formative years

upbringing

child’s life

Suggestion

the child’s life

. While several people claim that only parents should take care of their loved one’s in

this

duration, other argue that all family members either

direct

Suggestion

directly

or extended should

invovled

connected by participation or association or use

involved

too. I firmly agree with the latter part of

this

argument.

To begin

with why

Accept comma addition

with, why

only parents are necessary in child’s life. It is undoubtedly true that parents can guide their loved one’s accurately and can clear their doubts easily.

In other words

, parents can answer different questions that rise in

childrens mind

Suggestion

the child's mind

child's mind

a child's mind

children's mind

children mind

related to the real life or the physical changes in their young age.

For example

hormones

Suggestion

hormone

changes and job market.

In contrast

, people might feel shy while asking the same question from

extended family member

Suggestion

an extended family member

extended family members

but it will be easy for them to ask from their parents.

Thus

, parents are core need in the growth of a child.

However

, there are several more reasons why it is a good idea to receive

guidline

a light line that is used in lettering to help align the letters

guideline

guidelines

from not only parents but

also

from the nearest relatives.

Firstly

, it creates less lonely environment for the child. To simplify

this

, if the bio-logical parents are not available due to their professionals, than

extended family

Accept comma addition

extended, family

member can attend the children with his necessity.

For instance

, feeding, playing and protecting.

Secondly

, children can learn different behaviours and skills from different family members. To clarify

this

, youngster used to learn kindness from their

grand parents

a parent of your father or mother

grandparents

while different art from their uncle and aunty. In conclusion,

although

it is true that parents are crucial to learn about the relation in early age, involvement of extended family member can reduce the chance of loneliness, and

encourage

Suggestion

encourages

to learn different behaviours and skills.

Therefore

, I believe that young people should be grown up with their parents as well as other family members.

Submitted by Ishaan433 on Sun Mar 29 2020

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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