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Writing Samples
Band 7

The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Thesis statement: Disadvantages outweigh advantages

In today's digital world, personal information is often collected by large companies.
Although
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this
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 has some benefits,
such
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 as targeted ads, personalised services, and so on but the side effects are far more harmful than the merits.
This
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 essay will explain why it is dangerous for people with explanations and examples.
To begin
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, the first and foremost negative impact of storing personal data is privacy risk. To explain it, many large companies like Amazon, Google, and many more save info to make their
use
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 easy and convenient for customers;
however
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, it might be misused by cyber criminals and can cause a lot of trouble. Not only for properties and money, but
also
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 for individual life.
For instance
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, in 2024, a strange incident hit the headlines on TV, which involved the handling of Facebook's saved details to select their targets. Facebook records name, city, address, phone number, and location, which is enough to follow any person. Another major reason is data misuse. To elaborate on it, because sites have all your private information, by using third-party apps, anyone can see it and
use
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 it in whatever way he or she want to
use
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, more unfortunately, if any problem occurs person cannot prove himself or herself innocent.
For example
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,
according to
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 the report published by military officers in 2024, more than 80% of terrorists
use
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 false data to stay and make purchases, which is theft from social media apps.
As a result
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,
according to
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 the proofs, the person whose information they
use
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 becomes a criminal.
Thus
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, privacy is crucial.
To conclude
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, the saved facts can save time and give personalised services, but it has demerits
such
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 as privacy risk, identity theft, and records misuse. So it is not worth it just to save a few minutes, to put life at risk.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure every point clearly connects back to your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures to enhance flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure all parts of your essay clearly support your thesis statement.
task achievement
You have a clear thesis statement that outlines your position.
task achievement
Your essay addresses important issues like privacy risks and data misuse.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • privacy
  • data security
  • cyberattack
  • identity theft
  • financial loss
  • manipulation
  • misinformation
  • targeted advertising
  • discriminatory practices
  • transparency
  • user consent
  • personal data
  • data breaches
  • consumer behavior
  • algorithm
  • inequality
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