Some people think that to produce a happier society is to ensure that there is only a small difference on the earnings of the richest and the poorest members. To what extent to do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #difference #earnings #members

There is a believe in a group of people that the happier society can be achieved with a small

difference

in the salary between rich and poor people. I strongly agree with

this

thought.

To begin

with the causes which can happen with the major differences in earning between wealthier and

poor

Suggestion

poorer

people. One of them is unstable community.

In other words

, with the huge variation in salary, wealthy people will become

more wealthy

Suggestion

wealthier

and poor will face more poverty.

For example

, in Nigeria, there are three groups of people; wealthier, poorer and mafia in the society. The result of

this

, bad people will follow wrong way to earn high money and the crime ratio will increase. Another reason is a social

criseas

an unstable situation of extreme danger or difficulty

crisis

. Major

difference

in income will create differences between people at work place, within neighbours and society.

Thus

, people will not treat

eachother

Suggestion

each other

equally.

Suggestion

the other side, there are several benefits from the low

difference

in earning.

Firstly

, it helps people to survive with the basic needs,

such

as accommodation, food and clothes.

This

way, poor people can

also

eat in

the good

Suggestion

the best

restaurant with family.

For instance

, five star level

restuarant

a building where people go to eat

restaurant

Secondly

, human will understand the importance of humanity

instead

of focusing on only earning. To clarify

this

, with the small

difference

in the wages, people will face less

crticism

disapproval expressed by pointing out faults or shortcomings

criticism

, and will start to respect each other.

Finally

, the crime ratio will decrease. As every other person will be at more or less

same level

Suggestion

the same level

of financial status,

every one

all people

everyone

will feel satisfied with the work. In conclusion, while there are several disadvantages of high fluctuation in salary,

such

as unreliable community and social differences, there are a number of benefits to the minimum

difference

in income,

such

as availability of basic necessity, equal respect for

eachother

Suggestion

each other

and low crime.

Thus

, It is proven that the government can establish a rule of small

difference

in income to create happier community.

Submitted by Ishaan433 on Sun Mar 29 2020

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

324 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

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Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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