It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world

Teaching

history

for schoolchildren has been a heated topic const

antly. Th

Suggestion

constant

ere is a common belief that local

history

is more important to children than

world

history

However

, in my opini

on I agre

Accept comma addition

opinion, I

e with

this

statement I believe that

world

history

should be equally important. I believe the notion that local

history

is more valuable than

world

history

should be rejected. Some people may claim that the insights into the local historical values are compl

etely enou

Suggestion

complete

gh for one to live. Their claim could be true a few decades ago when most interpersonal communications were between people of the same race and origin.

However

this

view is now outdated, as the

world

has become globalized and international business and migrant workers have made any community a global village. In

this

context, an understanding of a foreign country’s

history

would enable future local workers to reinforce the relationship between them and expatriates from that country.

In addition

, I am strongly convinced that children would benefit the most only when the learning of local

history

is placed parallel to that of

world

history

. To understand a local historical event, children should put the regional and sometimes even

world

context in th

Suggestion

historical era into consideration.

For example

, children should acknowledge that the event that Vietnam regained its independence after defeating the Japanese troops in Indochina in 1945 only happened after a series of relevant events in the

World

War II, one of which is the surrender of Japan to the Allies. In

this

way of learning, children would understand

history

more deeply and thoroughly. All the existing data has p

rovided a co

Suggestion

have provided

ncrete foundation that the study of local

history

should always be parallel to that of

world

history

This

practice would guarantee that children learn

history

more comprehensively and be able to tighten the bond with migrant workers in their country.

Submitted by atifalvi143 on Sun Mar 29 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

heritage
cultural identity
ancestry
traditions
globalization
empathy
contemporary issues
integrate
perspective
civilization
diversity
innovations
historical significance
nationalism
cosmopolitanism
historiography
geopolitical

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Fully explain your ideas

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