IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #people #health #junk #food #education #work
In recent times, overeating processed
food
 is undermining people’s health. It is often said that the situation should be dealt with by raising consumers’ awareness through education, while others argue that it is improbable. In my perspective, I agree that educating is ineffective and will discuss both points in
this
 essay. On the one hand, educating people can partly solve the issue. Exposing adverse effects of junk
food
 on their health helps them to realize its harm and acquire adequate knowledge of nourishing
food
.
For example
, when consumers are provided with information about
food
-related illnesses resulting from unhealthy
food
such
 as overweight, heart disease and high blood pressure, they may stop using it.
Additionally
, the educational approach is simpler than other ones. Governments do not need to take different solutions into consideration,
such
 as regulating the
food
 industry or using zoning laws to change local
food
 environments which may be complicated and objected by the public to alleviate the situation.
On the other hand
, I am convinced that people are more unlikely to refrain from using fast
food
 by being educated.
Firstly
, junk
food
 generally has an eye-catching appearance and tastiness that immediately fascinate consumers. It is scientifically proven that sugar in processed
food
 offers the hallmarks of addiction,
for instance
, withdrawal and craving, so just by educating, it is insurmountable.
Secondly
, junk
food
 offers much greater convenience compared to home-cooked meals. Due to the increasingly rapid pace of life, consumers usually opt to buy fast
food
 rather than making
food
 themselves, though they may be aware of the destructive impacts of processed
food
 to their health. To recapitulate, educating is not a conceivable way to address the problem. Governments should tackle the issue by alternative actions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: