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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows participation in certain leisure activities by children in Australia. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The chart below shows participation in certain leisure activities by children in Australia. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
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The given chart illustrates the number of students who take part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 5 different leisure activities.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can say
that
Change the determiner
that boy
those boys
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
 took the majority of these activities.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the most popular leisure activity among
this
Linking Words
 age group is watching television almost all children in Australia watch tv in their free time,
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three of the four other activities,
Use synonyms
Boys
Change noun form
Boys'
Boy's
show examples
 participation was significantly greater than
girls
Use synonyms
. The
next
Linking Words
 most popular activity is playing computer games with 80% of the
boys
Use synonyms
 and 60% of the
girls
Use synonyms
, bike riding follows computer games in terms of popularity, just under
three quarters
Add a hyphen
three-quarters
show examples
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 say they like cycling and just under
two thirds
Add a hyphen
two-thirds
show examples
Use synonyms
girls
Change preposition
of girls
show examples
 say so, The only activity which
girls
Use synonyms
 chose more than
boys
Use synonyms
 is Art and craft with just over 50 per cent of
girls
Use synonyms
 like to draw compared to only about 40 per cent of
boys
Use synonyms
. The figures are showing that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 more active and
girls
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 creative in Australia.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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