At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Band 7 IELTS Task 2
Essay
Review
Band 7 IELTS Task 2 Essay
Review
March 17, 2020 By Nadyne D
In this
tutorial we have a Band 7 essay
graded by an EX-IELTS examiner (from our team of essay
correctors!).
First you
can read the Accept comma addition
First, you
essay
, and after we break down which
sentences helped Accept comma addition
down, which
this
essay
score a Band 7.
Each criteria has been considered
and the sentence in the Suggestion
have been considered
essay
has been colour coded to correspond to the fours marking criteria used by the British Council / IELTS IDP.
This
tutorial will help you understand:
How an essay
gets a Band 7
What sentence structures and language is needed for a Band 7
How you can link ideas smoothly
At the present time
, the population
of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this
situation outweigh the disadvantages?
It is well known that some countries have a population
with more young people than old people. Even this
fact could have both advantages and disadvantages, In my opinion the positive implications of having a youthful population
over-weigh the negative ones. This
essay
will discuss the advantages and disadvantages giving examples to support both points of view.
On one hand, having more younger
people could lead to a lack of professionals in the society. Older Suggestion
younger
population
may be more educated than the young
one, Suggestion
the younger
this
is being why they have had more time
to study a professional career during their lives. For example
, to become a specialist physician it is needed at least 10 years of university studies and this
may not be able for a young adult yet. In addition
, younger population
have
less life experience than Suggestion
has
old
Suggestion
older
population
. People after their 50’s may have been through a lot in life and they may be more prepared to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This
could help to form a less stressful society. Lastly
, younger populations are
likely to have Suggestion
is
higher rate
of crime, Suggestion
higher rates
a higher rate
this
could be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A study from the University of Chile showed that in the south of Chile, where the population
is mostly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice higher than in the north where most of the population
where
in their 50’s and older.
have the quality of being; (copula, used with an adjective or a predicate noun)
were
On the other hand
, youthful populations are in general more active and more happy
. Suggestion
happier
This
may be because they have less old age-associated illness leading them to work more and maintain them-self more active. Adding to the fact that healthy people can work more efficiently, with this
they can contribute to the economy of the country, making money instead
of spending. For instance
, it is a fact that old societies spend a lot of money in health for their old
citizens. Another positive aspect of having young adult populations is that there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more Suggestion
older
time
and more energy than old
people to practice and become an excellent sport professional. In soccer most of the Suggestion
older
players
retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty years old. With old people there would be no Suggestion
player
time
to start a sport career. And last
but not least, young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This
could be because they are more proactive in organize
those activities and Suggestion
organizing
also
more likely to participate in them. Old
people may be too tired to go out.
To conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly believe that the advantages of Suggestion
Older
youthful
Suggestion
the youthful population
population
over-weigh the disadvantages. Even though, there are some positive aspects of having an older population
that
we should consider.Suggestion
That
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Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.