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Writing Samples
Band 5

The number of people who are interested in and wearing fashionable clothes is increasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #clothes #development
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Use synonyms
Fashion
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The fashion
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 industry is rapidly gaining
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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popularity among youngsters. Nowadays, a majority of
people
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 prefer wearing trendy outfits to show their status of being rich,
whereas
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 completely oppose
this
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 idea and believe that it is a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
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 of money.
This
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 essay agrees with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
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 viewpoint and will discuss both viewpoints in detail.
To begin
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 with, most youngsters believe that wearing the latest fashionable
clothes
Use synonyms
 is a sense of satisfaction.
That is
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 to say,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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famous TV celebrities wearing expensive
clothes
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 and shoes have a feeling that their style is unique, which is why they have a huge fan following. Certainly, it is a way to impress others because
people
Use synonyms
 always praise unique and beautiful things,
instead
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 of commonly available items.
Furthermore
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,
due to
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 the development in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology, it is easy to follow the latest
fashion
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 as all the websites have advertisements showing trendy
clothes
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, shoes and
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
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 and
due to
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 the wide range of options available to choose from,
people
Use synonyms
 consider it is a positive development.
On the other hand
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, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who opine that following
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
fashion
Use synonyms
 has merely a negative impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
This
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 is because,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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branded
clothes
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 are way more expensive than normal
clothes
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 and
people
Use synonyms
 spend almost half of their salaries on buying
such
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clothes
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, resulting in no
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
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 left for the future.
As a result
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,
such
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people
Use synonyms
 would not be able to survive if there
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 uncertain situations,
such
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 as no job or economic crises.
In addition
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, a majority of brands are international and
people
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 who prefer purchasing those brands from
international
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the international
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 market, are actually ignoring their local market, which eventually disturbs the local economy of a country.
Lastly
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, the quality of stylish
clothes
Use synonyms
 is not very good in terms of durability and comfort as compared to local
clothes
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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,
although
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 one should stay up to date in terms of
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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fashion
Use synonyms
 and trends.
However
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, considering the cost, quality and the impacts of international brands on
local
Add an article
the local
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 market makes me feel that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fashion
Use synonyms
 has more negative effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society than positive.
Submitted by jaskaur0477 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is well-maintained throughout the essay with clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The development of ideas is mostly coherent and cohesive, providing a good overall flow of thoughts and arguments.
task response
The response provides a generally complete and clear discussion of the given topic. The relevant viewpoints are presented and supported with specific examples. However, the focus on the negative impact is stronger than the positive impact, so the balance of the discussion could be improved.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • modernity
  • versatility
  • practicality
  • Western media
  • fashion industry
  • widespread adoption
  • professional settings
  • preservation
  • cultural diversity
  • cultural integration
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • unique cultural identities
  • expression of individuality
  • innovative
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