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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The given table demonstrates the count of visitors who came to the Ashdown museum throughout the year of its
renovation
Use synonyms
, before and after. The pie chart illustrates the survey outcome which was done by interviewing comers about their satisfaction before
renovation
Use synonyms
 and after. At a glance, there is a significant increment
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Add an article
the visitor
show examples
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 after the refurbishment. Before the refurbishment it was 74000 and after it was 92000. There was
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 18000 rise
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the previous year correspondingly. Exploring the chart,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows five measures of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
satisfaction have been plotted in two pie charts. Mainly the sense of satisfaction
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
renovation
Use synonyms
 has been shown. There is an improvement
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
very
Correct article usage
the very
show examples
 satisfied
category
Use synonyms
 by 20, earlier it was 15 after it was 35. Correspondingly the satisfied
category
Use synonyms
 was increased. There was an improvement
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 10 after doing all
this
Linking Words
. Relatively Dissatisfied and Very dissatisfied
count
Fix the agreement mistake
counts
show examples
also
Linking Words
 decreased after the refurbishment. It can see an enormous level of
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
dissatisfied
Correct article usage
the dissatisfied
show examples
category
Use synonyms
. Even though the no response
category
Use synonyms
 remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 before and after the
renovation
Use synonyms
 of the museum.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words renovation, category with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "improvement" was used 2 times.
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