IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum
Owing to the problems in which a growing population of overweight people is caused by the health care system, some people think that the key to solving these issues is to have more athletics and exercise in schools. In my opinion, I completely agree that
this
 is the best way to tackle the issue of deteriorating public well-being about weight.
Firstly
, dealing with the issues surrounding obesity and weight problems is best solved by taking a long term approach and introducing the more fun and exercise in schools.
This
 method will ensure that the
next
 generation will be healthier and will not have
such
 fitness problems. At the moment, the average child in the West does athletics possibly twice a week, which is not enough to counteract their
otherwise
 sedentary lifestyle.
However
, by incorporating more sports classes into the curriculum as well as encouraging extracurricular sports activities, they will undoubtedly become fitter and more active. Another point to consider is that having more sports lessons for children in schools will probably result in children developing an interest in exercise which might filter through to other members of their family and have a longer-lasting effect.
In other words
, parents with sporty children are more likely to get involved in the sport as a way of encouraging their children. By both parents and children being involved, it will ensure that children grow up to incorporate games into their daily lives.
This
 is certainly a natural and lasting way to improve public health. In conclusion, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight people, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing pastime in schools is the easiest and most effective method to use.
Submitted by swethasiddi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: