IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Government money should be used to support children in school for sports rather than to support professional sports and arts that perform for the general public. To what extent do you agree?

#government #money #support #children #school #sports #arts
It is undeniable that the
government
 must deal with some urgent issues
first
,
such
 as poverty, pollution, education and so on. From my perspective,
this
 does not mean the
government
 should not spend
money
 to support artists.
Art
 is the main medium of culture. It bridges the culture gap between different countries or religions. Take the
art
 of Erhu of China as an example, in 1980s when Erhu
first
 appeared on the international stage,
this
 traditional Chinese instrument electrified the audience. Ever since that, western countries have started to learn about the Chinese culture through
this
art
.
Hence
, the
government
’s support of
art
 will help disseminate cultures and promote commerce with other countries.
Furthermore
,
government
 spending
money
 on
art
 is
also
 a way to make
money
 and create jobs.
For instance
, if the
government
 holds
art
 festivals and exhibitions, they will attract a large number of tourists to visit or travel, which will bring economic revenues and increase local employment rates.
Therefore
, I believe that
government
 has the necessity to invest
money
 on artists.
On the other hand
, the
government
 spends a lot of its budget on public services mainly because these things determine the quality of life of most people. Public services or goods include hospitals, roads, schools and so on. If the
government
 does not spend enough
money
 on health care,
people's state
Suggestion
the people's state
 of health may badly
affected
Suggestion
affect
.
Similarly
, if there is not enough fund for schools, students may not get a good education. To conclude, it is true that most of the
government's
Suggestion
government
 funds should be spent on providing people with public goods or services……..
However
, artists still worth
government's financial help
Suggestion
the government's financial help
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: